It's been a really long time since I ever wrote the diary. The last time I wrote it was about 15 years ago when I was in secondary school. I enjoyed writing my feelings (in Chinese) and sharing my thoughts with an "unknown", called diary. It knew what my happiness, sadness, frustration moments were. Guess at that time, nobody knew me better than my diary.
What made me want to start writing diary again was purely 100% out of my anata's encouragement. He feels that I write well (which I totally disagree!). I used to score 50+/100 marks for my English composition during my schooling days. So whoever read this know what to expect from me huh??
After all these years, many things have happened and I have grown up (though I may sound silly at times, especially when I am with my "anata"). Life has become so hectic & busy so much so that I have forgotten to stop & ponder what life truly is. I always said to people that I have high expectations about myself but what do I really expect from life itself? What can life give me? I really wonder.....
We expect alot from many aspects of our lives, both consciously & sub-consciously. When we were still kids, we expect our parents to be happy when we obtained good results, to be upset when we failed our exams, to get a beating/scolding from them when we did something wrong. When we started working, we expect to ace an interview/secure a job when we felt our interviewers seemed pleased with our answers. We expect to get a promotion or pay raise just because we did well in the annual performance assessment. These are our "conscious" expectations. What about those "sub-conscious" ones?
Some of us might think that we do not expect anything sub-consciously. Let me say that we do, in fact, very often, without us realising. Do you remember the days when you studied very hard for an exam, thinking that if you study hard enough, you will do well? That itself is already an expectation. Who can prove this formula ,"study hard = high marks", will work all the time? There are so many people who believe in this formula but it just failed them time after time. Did you ever work till wee hours of the night to finish a proposal or finish your work (or somebody else work) , hoping that your boss will appreciate your hard work and maybe give you a promotion/pay raise, or at the very least, won't sack you when the company restructures? But again this formula fail some people we know in our lives.
So many people do not deserve to be fired or fail their exams. We feel so rejected , disappointed & depressed whenever things don't go according to our wish or expectations. We started asking ourselves, "why is life so unfair to me?" I am one of those who ask myself the same question umpteen times. I never have the answer to this question. Until one day, a person said this to me......
"EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED" - yes! That seems like the perfect answer to the "century-old question". Our miseries arise simply because we expect too much from life. If we think back, all these negative feelings wouldn't have arisen if we expect that despite the hard work, we can still fail, simply because we are human, our bosses are human, the people who are involved in the things we do are human. We don't have absolute control over our lives & we don't hold the compass to our life destination. Someone else do... to different people, this particular "someone" maybe a different person. But to me, He is definitely God., who has absolute control over everything & anything.
Since life is so unpredictable, why do we still expect so much from life, from other people & even from ourselves? Let's try releasing ourselves from such miseries and lead our lives without been so hard on ourselves. We only have that small number of years in this world. So what if we have everything we expect we can have in this life, but in the end, we can't bring anything with us when our life come to an end. Nothing is forever, neither happiness nor misery. Everything will come to an end, be it our lives, fortune, success, failure, including this diary entry......
