|A Jabberwocky Sort of Life|
Song: "Something" by the Beatles
Sorry about so many entries so soon. I know I just said that I wasn't going to talk about my daddy issues all over again, but it's very obvious that I'm not over them or anything. I'll try not to completely spill my life as I'm fully aware that you guys don't really care all that much.
Alright, so you remember that I broke my car on a deer, right? (I believe it was Bones who put it that way, and I have yet to find a more lighthearted manner of saying 'I killed Max.') Well, that was on the 9th of October. I was frantic, Dad was frantic, stepmom was mildly worried (I called her first, so she knew I was perfectly fine), and everything was hellish for an hour or so. I got home that night by the grace of this awesome state trooper named Nigel who drove me over 100 miles out of his way to see me home safely. (He also informed me that the police officer who once stopped me for driving 6 miles over the speed limit was a "brainless greenhorn." I smiled at that.) So I arrived at the house and was stuck there from Friday night until Monday morning, when Dad could drive me back to school. That's not really important. What is important is that, since that Friday, I haven't had a car. It really hasn't been all that bad, but now that we're getting around Halloween time, I'm having to bum rides from people to pawn shops and thrift stores for costume supplies. Well, on the 16th (two weeks after the accident), Dad calls and tells me that the insurance company has been really great and I already have a car. He...
(Song Change, To: "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by the Beatles)
...told me that he'd be up on the 28th to bring it up to me, so I've been planning from the 28th through the 31st around having a car. In addition, when my dad brought up my car, he'd also be bringing me various tools and materials needed for my costume (a golfing mummy; it's awesome or something ). I've been counting on having at least two or three days to sew the pants for this costume together, which is plenty of time. IF I have a sewing machine.
(Song Change, To: "Ode to Billie Joe" by Bobbie Gentry)
...I am über excited for!
Well, if you couldn't already tell from my tone, it doesn't sound like he can make it anymore. I'm slightly irritated. I was really looking forward to seeing them again and having decent food and seeing a good movie and actually getting my costume finished (that would've been nice). It doesn't sound like any of that is going to happen anymore.
What irritates me isn't that I'm not going to get my precious supplies or time with my dad. It irritates me that he had PLENTY of time to figure whether or not he could make it. Had I know even a few days earlier, I could more likely than not hand-stitch the pants in time for Halloween. I would've known that I needed to pick up some needles and thread at Wal-Mart, I would've known that I needed to buy gauze...I am so supremely irritated at this! Talking about it again is making me so flustered! I just-urgh! ...
(Song Change, To: "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge) (I swear I didn't pick it.)
... I know I could probably better spend this time than complaining about my problem in a diary entry, but I just feel like giving up. I feel so downtrodden from the last couple of weeks. I didn't think I would let college get to me, but I seem to have failed miserably. I found out today that I completely bombed my last German test, and I thought I had been doing really well in that class. I still can't stand the people surrounding me, I'm stupidly angry at my father, and I'm VERY tired right now. Naps don't seem to be helping anymore. I might just go to bed at a ridiculously early time tonight. Just tune the world out and sleep for a long time. Alvin wants me to call him, but I don't really want to. I mean, I want to talk to him, but whenever I'm on the phone I kinda feel like I have to stay in my room so no one else can hear my conversation. I don't want to stay in my room. I don't want to leave, either. I might just go sit in the library.
That's a lovely lonely place.