Well so its been about a year since i have been hear.....

Where to start humm..... Well with leaving off with my last entry about R and how he was hurting me so much and wasnt able to confess to me how he felt. At that point i was really upset with the way he was treating me.  Well don't laugh so were comming on 10 months later and im finally putting an end to him munipulating me and using me for what he wants. and yes this whole time we were never an item , but he did express to me that at one point he started to care about me he wanted everything a girlfriend should offer him but not for me to be his girlfriend. Well i have later come to find out that he has been with other people the whole time.

aug- This past august I went away and spent quality time with my dad for the first time in ten years, It was a very good vist per say..... It really makes me miss him and the time that i have lost with him over the last ten years of my life. It was wierd it was like we didnt even know each other. I kept sitting there and he kept telling me that I looked like i had something to say. Well i kept telling him no. But honestly I had ao much to say I just wasnt sure where to start. We havent had a good converstation since I was 12 im now 24. I just didn't know where to start I had so many question on why he abandond me for so many years. I wanted to tell him because of him my life has not ever been the same I feel hes the reason i have never been able to have a healthy realstionship. I just feel that hes part of the reason all my relastionships with men fail. and I always seem to push the good men away. Im attrached to people who use me and take advantage im some times feel that is what i deserve. I always push the good people away.

I really want to start a healthy relastionship with a man im just really not sure where i should start Ive never seen or had a healthy relastionship. so how am i expected to have one. Well i might end my entry for tonight but i promise to try and start wrighting regularly agian .