I've locked myself up.
Emotionally, that is.
I don't understand why I do it and I wish I knew how to fix it.
But I can't.
I fucking can't.
And I wish I knew why.
It's so frustrating because I have a very VERY wonderful man in my life and I'm trying SO hard to let go of my past.
Last night we were on the phone and, immediately, he could tell something was wrong. I didn't want to tell him, but he begged me. Said he couldn't help me if he didn't know. Too bad he didn't realize that, even if he knew, there's nothing he can do.
I'm so afraid that my own fears are going to push him away. And we are SO perfect for eachother.
We match, we work, we're so very happy.
Yet I'm so scared that I'm beginning to shut him out. HOW DO I STOP THIS?!?!?!?! I don't know what to do!
Please...I don't want to lose him.
I know, I know I need professional therapy...BAD.
Stupid emotional issues.
Stupid ex husband.