DisastrousDivinity

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Age: 25
Sex: F
Location: The Coast
State: South Carolina

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<< : A little bored

It's been a rough couple of months. : >>

Ok guys, I need help Wednesday, April 07, 2010

I've locked myself up.

Emotionally, that is.

I don't understand why I do it and I wish I knew how to fix it.

But I can't.

I fucking can't.

And I wish I knew why.

It's so frustrating because I have a very VERY wonderful man in my life and I'm trying SO hard to let go of my past.

Last night we were on the phone and, immediately, he could tell something was wrong. I didn't want to tell him, but he begged me. Said he couldn't help me if he didn't know. Too bad he didn't realize that, even if he knew, there's nothing he can do.

I'm so afraid that my own fears are going to push him away. And we are SO perfect for eachother.

We match, we work, we're so very happy.

Yet I'm so scared that I'm beginning to shut him out. HOW DO I STOP THIS?!?!?!?! I don't know what to do!

Please...I don't want to lose him.

I know, I know I need professional therapy...BAD.

Stupid emotional issues.

Stupid ex husband.

Thanks.

<< : A little bored It's been a rough couple of months. : >>

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I think one thing to do is to keep talking to him as much as you can. I know from the guy's standpoint, when we care about someone, we're going to listen and let you vent and whatever else you need. That alone should help some, I think. *hug* [Valyn Rising]

4/7/2010 3:12:03 PM

Well I guess you need to decided if he's worth some torment. If you've locked up emotionally then it will be torment to open back up. The question is: Is he worth it? If you determine he is, then grit your teeth, bear the pain, and open up. Yeah I know... easier said than done, but if you're wanting this to work, then some sacrifices you must make. [(Owl)]

4/7/2010 3:24:50 PM

As you know, and as I've disussed in my journal I'm having the same issues with my own boyfriend. Only thing is I've known him for so long, and I know enough to know that he's not that easy to push away. If your guy is worthwhile he won't let you push him away that easily either. The best thing you can do is just be as completely open and honest as possible with him. When a guy cares about ** [bottledupemotions]

4/7/2010 5:07:19 PM

us, they actually like it when we vent to them, or else my guy does :). [bottledupemotions]

4/7/2010 5:09:39 PM

I did the same thing when I started dating LeRoy, but I just had to remind myself that it isn't fair to punish him for my ex's short comings and **** ups. There is always that risk that things could go bad, but do you care enough for him to take that risk? I know that it is so much easier said than done, and I wish I could help more. I just want to see you happy! :)
*hugs* [DopeSickGirl]

4/7/2010 5:31:52 PM

Well, you are recognizing it now. I think sometimes, when we get to this point we need to kick ourselves in the butt and work it out. I know you can do it. I have my own issues, believe me, even now I fight them. But it's all worth it in the end. Maybe writing about it will help... [Chaosbride]

4/8/2010 12:18:34 AM

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