A very wise person once told me that, "If someone doesn't like Mitchell they don't need to be in Mitchell's life."
And it's absolutely true. Making friends shouldn't be this hard. And keeping friends shouldn't be hard. I used to have a ton of friends. We've all since chosen different paths through life, but the point is... why am I trying so hard?
If people wanted to be my friend, they would. I wouldn't have to beg them. I wouldn't always have to be the one to make plans for each other. It would be a friendship that would go both directions. If I'm the only one trying, then I don't need that person in my life.
I need to surround myself with people who genuinely like me for who I am, not for the person I pretend to be so that people will like me. And not people who are friends with me only because their wives are friends with Tonya.
I just want this feeling to go away. This feeling of isolation. The feeling that you get when you know that you're forgettable, and that no one would know you're alive unless you keep putting yourself out there. The feeling of inadequacy. That you're not good enough for people to care about you.
I've got to get over this... I just have to. It's ruining my life.