Geez, I had to work yest and suddenly dad's decided that Leah should work there to, It's my job not hers ¬¬ So being as whenever She's around i can't do anything right and she's a f*cking ''saint'' He bully's me and is nasty to me. And constantly says that she'll take my job cause she'll work for less, to right she'll work for less, she doesnt know how to cook clean the kitchen properly or work behin a bar ¬¬. So today im going job hunting, screw him, he might only be joking about it but i'll be laughing at his FACE when he sees how i can get a job elsewhere cause im not f*cking useless ¬¬. I'd like to see her and him cope in the summer when it's really busy, Dad can't cope now ¬¬

Then i get home and go on my laptop to make myself feel better to talk and play Stunt Blaster against Luis(Not my Luis, a really good friend) when mum & Steve(boyf) get in. Now i have nothing against Steve, I think he's a nice guy etc.. But mum gets so mean to me and nasty when he's round. So he looked at my laptop to try and fix it, doesnt know whats wrong with it, so i got sent to bed ¬¬

So i get into bed and start to think, cause i was wide awake, and im thinking and tbh, I don't have a family.. My dad prefers my sister after everything i've done for him and the fact i've always been there whereas she and mum havent, My mum prefers her boyf even though theyve been together 2 months, but she was the same with the ones before, and if after 2 months shes like that with him i'm obvs not worth alot of anything. Then i start thinking well... who does love me? am i really worth anything? worth the love and affection of other people? or am i meant to be alone, till i die? Then i think.. well Luis is here atm, that must mean something, then i start to get happy that i get to see him this weekend, and i get a text, '' Im sorry but i cant find a way to get there this weekend, shit. sorry xxxx '' So then i start to cry, thinking maybe its cause he wants nothing to do with me aswell. and text back '' that's a shame, i really wanted to see you.. well, there's always next weekend and holidays soon loveyoux '' and he replys '' trust me i wanted to see you more. Next week I'll be there no matter what. LoveYouMore.xxx '' So that made me then think what a bitch i am, cause i then started to think about Christian, and that this weekend im going out and he should be there and maybe, him being closer etc.. would be worth seeing what could happen there, so i started crying again about how mean and accusing i am. I really hate myself right now. The only person who seems to want me, i want to f*ck up and hurt.

x