I dont honestly know what the fuck is wrong with me. Its starting to scare me. Ive gone downright into a slump and ill be assed if I can get out of it. Im sad. Im really sad. I wouldnt say depressed, because Im not. Day 2 in a row of bursting into tears. Ok, I had a reason today. Some greek resident slapped me one in the face. I put my hands in the air, stared him out and promptly removed myself from the room. I really dont know why he is getting to me the way he is, he doesnt normally. No resident does. I simply wont allow it. How dare he. I wont allow ANYBODY to slap me. ANYwhere..unless of course its in the bedroom in the middle of a nocturnal romp and that is only by my girlfriend at any one time...Sigh. Im alone tonight. Sair is staying at her parents house. I really wish she was here. I keep looking at the front door, just expecting her to walk through and up to me with her arms open and just to surround me and make things better. She has this uncanny knack to just make things all go away with her hugs. She kisses the top of my head and just makes me stay close to her, no matter how much I try to pull away when I feel ridiculous. I know this is how things have to be at the moment, and yep, she will be here tomorrow night, but it still rips at my heart on nights like tonight, when all I want is the comfort of my girlfriend.

I feel like a whiner. I feel like im placing the complaints and pressure on both her and lucy, this isnt fair. I snapped at lucy tonight, because she couldnt rip her eyes off of 'josie and the pussycats' or some cartoon of the like when she was supposed to be getting ready for swimming. Shes a child, of course shes not going to be able to focus on any other thing but a tv show. What am I doing? I hate the person Ive become because I cant handle my emotions. Why is there so much shooting at me from all different angles but so much of little importance? Why cant I cope with the stuff I usually wouldnt bat an eyelid at? What is going on? My mind feels so exhausted. The dumb thing is, when I sit back and ask myself what it is that could be wrong, I cant answer. Its not like I have something where I could account for it and be like 'well yes...this is why i feel like this..rah rah fucking rah!' I dont! I dont have cancer, I dont have a sick child, I have money, a roof over my head and all that shit. What the fuck is going on! Im not due for a period. Jesus. Maybe I need to stop analyzing things and just take it as it comes. Maybe I need to get the hell out of a lifestyle im living and do something new. Maybe maybe maybe. I need to just stop thinking  full stop!

Life let me be. please. Just....let me be. Someone come save me. Now. And for goodness sake...bring me some chocolate.