So it's almost Mother's Day! I am so excited about it..but sad at the same time. I am also looking forward to tomorrow and Thursday because my little sister's grad party is this Friday and her actual graduation is this Sunday. I have had multiple family members telling me to go to her graduation, but honestly I am still deciding if I should and if I do, how is it going to go? But as for right now, I am looking forward to spending all my time with my daughter, and hopefully my husband(if he decides to go with me). I guess my mom has decided to make 200 cupcakes for her thing and that is why she needs my help with the process because I am guessing that no one else is going to help her. What a nice family right? Guess not.

In other news, I finally got a letter from my father today. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad either, but I am guessing that he is still mad at me from back in 2008 when I was pregnant with Jada. He asked my why I am giving him a second chance, and the answer was in my head like.. 'You're my dad! Aren't you supposed to be in my life?'. That is Jada's biological grandpa and I don't want her not knowing him like the girls. No one seems to know this but it seems like the hardest for me because I'm the oldest one.. i saw everything go down and I'm the one that remembers the most. I haven't sent him anything yet because I am now filled with anger, confusion, and hurt. There are so many questions going on in my mind and I want to ask them all but if I do.. am I going to find some more info out that has been hidden from me? I know that I haven't had a really great past but he has been there for me throughout all of it.. and now I need him for this stuff. Since he has been gone I have always felt like there was an empty space inside of me.. and I am trying to fill it again. Everytime I listen to "because of you" by kelly clarkson, i think back and it sounds perfect for how I feel. So, I think that I need to sort out my anger and sadness before I write anything down.

Peace and Love!