I don't know what to do. When you're not around I miss you so much it hurts. When we are talking I hate you so much I want to scream. So many lies, broken promises, harsh words, and insults. The one thing we are good at together is hurting each other. I want to believe you really do love me, but the years of lies say different. When things are good they are REALLY good, but that was based on all your lies. And now, more recently, because I can't believe anything you tell me I can't let you make it up to me. I refuse to listen or believe anything you have to say. All I can do now is hurt you in return.

The TRUTH is that I love you and I miss you.

And I THINK you're having surgery today and it's killing me that I am not there for you. I want to call or text or write, but after last week you'll probably just delete and ignore anything I send.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared to death of you hurting me again.

And I can't stop thinking about you.

I hate you. Don't leave me.