|My Feet Are My Only Carriage..|
I am the future you writing the younger you, and if this letter reaches you as I predict, you are about 14 years old right now. And this is a VERY important time in your life, as I recall.
I'm not writing you this letter to change anything that has happened or will happen in your life, for to do so would change the result of who I am today - and I probably wouldn't be writing this letter to you now. Plus, even if I were to tell you what "not to do", you wouldn't listen to me anyway.
Instead, I am here to tell you that the decisions you've made in your life hold no regrets, for you have always followed your heart. I want you to know how very special that is. The path you are about to walk will no doubt hold much love, happiness, joy and celebration, as well as pain, loss, suffering and loneliness. But I promise you, this is all part of the beautiful journey that is your life. Pay attention! Well, I know you will. Maybe you could take more pictures though...and since digital phones aren't around yet, you're gonna have to rely on disposable cameras for awhile - get those developed this time! Don't let them get lost or expire.
I digress. You'll start to do that more and more over the years, and while it may drive some people crazy, that is just a quirk others will grow to love about you. It's just your open honesty, really.
Ok...back to what I was saying. You will grow from the experiences ahead of you, and believe it or not, you will find yourself becoming a very strong, independent, honest, loyal and loving individual. You will also doubt yourself, loose yourself at times, stumble and fall. But you will pick yourself back up, brush yourself off, and get back on that horse with a restored determination.
You are a Warrior. You are noble. Your heart is pure.
The pain and betrayal that lie before you will teach you truths you need to learn - don't be afraid of it. Embrace the knowledge that comes from your mistakes, from your oversights, from your pain. Again, I know you will. And you will learn what it means to be positive, to create your own reality, and that everything you think you know, is something else altogether. That's alright - it just means you're waking up.
I will tell you that some of the best days of your life will be when you played soccer, but you already know that. I will tell you that all of the dramas that came from playing soccer won't matter for much longer, but again, you know that too.
Also...be nicer to your sister. She will one day become your best friend...I know that's hard to believe right now, but it's true. Hang out with her more, don't ditch her at the nail salon (I don't even remember this, but she does), and stand up for her around your soccer teammates and friends - she'll rub this in a lot later if you don't, and once again, I don't even remember any of this - but she does. And here's the biggest kicker - your sister is actually pretty damn smart. And funny as hell. Sure, she's stubborn and hard-headed, but so are you. Just in different ways. You will come to admire her strength, and you will learn from it. Stop rolling your eyes! Just trust me, ok?
As for your brother, be nicer to him too. He's quiet, yes...but he's got a heart just like yours, and you will come to respect and admire his loyalty and his nobility. He'll teach you a thing or two, trust me. He's pretty damn funny, too. You will find that there is so much to learn about him that you missed out on - but this is more a word to myself now to pay attention to and get to work on.
When it comes to Dad, you will learn to understand him - not agree with him, but you will learn the truths and while they are hard truths, you will learn forgiveness and it will require patience and love. Just...hang in there. I'm still working on it myself.
That leaves us with Mom. Don't be angry with her. You are more like her than you realize, or rather you will come to be more like her - be nicer to her. She will also become one of your best friends...and you will learn much about yourself through her. This will be one of your hardest revelations...but one that will change your life for the better.
There are some hard times ahead for you all - for our family - but you will come to learn what it means to be grateful for the times you all have together, and just how quickly all of that can be threatened - and just how sudden life can be turned upside down. Be strong. Anyone in your life that doesn't support you through these times, just know that they aren't strong enough themselves - and forgive them - move on - but I know you will.
Finally, listen to me when I say that everything that happens in your life - all the decisions you will make that take you to one end of the country and back - will be some of the hardest and loneliest. But, when you feel like there is no light ahead of you, believe me when I say that there is. Trust that everything that has happened and will happen will lead you to what you are seeking in your life: your soulmate. If you were to change one decision and alter from your path...I don't believe you would be where I am today. I guess things really do happen for a reason? That is, when you follow your heart...it will never lead you astray. But when the timing is right, you will come together...and he will be more amazing than anything you have ever dreamed of, and you will be where you need to be in yourself to truly cherish and treasure him, and you will experience a love that is so great it brings tears of joy to your eyes and for once, you trust in it and feel so safe in it - and like they say...you just know. Yes, he is out there. And he will be the kind of love that accepts you for you, flaws and all, and his heart and mind will gain your highest admiration and respect. Your love for and with each other is one that promises personal and spiritual growth...you will come to find how very important this is.
So I write to you from your future, telling you to enjoy your now. There is so much to be experienced and learned, and still so much that I have yet to experience and learn. And that's so...beautiful.
Oh...but I will tell you one thing: Don't be a hard ass and light that first cigarette. It's not the "fuck you" you think it is. It's more like a "fuck me". That will be one thing you will come to wish you never did. And something you will struggle with for years later. Hell, something I struggle with now.
Also, don't just read...but question what you read.
One more thing...just know that you are special. You will come to learn that it's not important to be pretty, hot, or sexy...it's not important to be cool, crazy, or cynical. What is important is what you do with your mind. That will be the most powerful tool you'll ever have in this life. I don't think anyone ever told you that. Be kind to your self. You are loved. You are one-of-a-kind. It's ok to make mistakes, it's ok to admit when you're wrong. Just keep going. Most days you will find a new passion and it will lift you up higher than you thought possible - and others you will struggle and crash with the lows - but without the lows, you wouldn't realize how wonderful everything can be.
Alright...I'll let you get back to it. Give Zeus a huge hug for me.
All my love,