So, here is my first entry. I can never keep a pen to paper relationship with my diaries, so they just collect dust with an entry about once a year. So I figured I could keep it up here!
Today would have been any ordinary Saturday, but of course plans change.
I was supposed to go to my driving class this morning with life-long best friend Alyssa and afterward, head to her house for some much needed girl time.
But, Last night we received news that my grandfather's (Dad's father) lung had collapsed and he was in the hospital. We had no idea what happened, but we were told he had asbestos fluid in his remaining lung. So 1 collapsed lung, and one filled with asbestos. doesn't sound too pretty to me.
He was placed in the ICU this morning and only had 4 visiting sessions today. Each only 30 minutes long. We arrived at the hospital around 12:30 and none of us were prepared for what we saw.
My grandfather. The strict, racist drunk. Lying in a hospital bed, hardly able to speak and breathe. It was a terrible sight. I almost cried, and I do not cry very often. My worst fear is dying, and to see someone look so close to it hits home.
It was then that I took my younger brother and sister out to the waiting room, because they were bother shocked and scared.
We left shortly after, and I asked my parents what exactly was going on with him.
His nurse claims he only has pneumonia and that his drinking has affected his liver and pancreas. We find this odd because my grandmother (his wife) claims to have been told about the asbestos. So we're still unsure of what is going on.
But of course, the majority of my Dad's family is to be untrusted. I know, this is not right to say, but when you've grown up with aunts and uncles who do not like your mother for no reason at all other than the fact that she will not sit down with them and gossip about everyone's business, then you learn what a family should NOT act like.
We have been the talk of them all for a long time now. It's like they wait for one of us to mess up. We're better than cable to them. and we are all they really have to talk about. All because we aren't like them.
I've also had two other family members to worry about.
My uncle Marshall has alzheimer's disease now, and it's not just the first stages. He has a crawfish boil every year, and this year he had no idea who my Uncle James was. They have always been extremely close, and for him not to remember Unc. James, well, that's huge.|
My uncle Buddy had a heart attack this passed Thursday as well. He complained of chest pains and had his nephew bring him to the hospital. He discharged today and is alright. Just has to quit smoking and eat healthy.
But other than my family and their medical issues, I have a few issues of my own.
I am very much overweight and I wish that change that. But it so much harder to put your mind to something when you lack motivation.
Which I do..
I have no supporters to push me along and help me with my target weight. My parents are the worst of them.
We do not have healthy food in our home. None at all. as much as I bed and plead with my mom to buy healthy food that I can have, she still comes home with fried foods, snack cakes, and everything else you can throw in a hot pan of grease and add 10 million calories and grams of fat to.
It's frustrating that i am about to go into my Senior year looking the way I do.
I want to have a Prom date, and be able to take my jacket off at school and not feel like the whole world is laughing at me.
When teachers make me take off my jacket, I have to run to the bathroom to vomit. I am repulsive and I know everyone thinks so as well.
I am planning on getting a job within the next month, and from then on my paycheck will go toward Weight Watchers, healthy groceries, and gas!
I will conjure up my own motivation because I need this. I need to do this for myself and my health!
I could use a few supporters. but i hope to be able to do this no matter what.