Okay, I'm in a bit of a situation. I married the greatest guy, the love of my life. The only problem he has is addictions, alcohol and drugs. We have been married two years, together for three years and I have known him for 16 years now. He has a little boy with a his ex, she doesn't let him see him because after he left her, he came to me. They were always fighting and it wasn't good for his son Shawn to see that. His son is now 5 years old and kindergarten. The problem I am having is this.
My husband has trust issues. When he drinks a lot then he wants to get high. When he gets high he gets extremely paranoid and starts to question me about everything. He believed that I was cheating on him. One time when he got high he was accusing me of cheating and I kept telling him that I wasn't, but he wouldn't believe me and he started beating me, so to protect myself I lied and told him a bunch of lies, I told him that I didn't cheat and the guy forced himself on me (horrible thing to say I know) when the cops got there I had to lie to them to protect my husband and I told them some guy forced himself on and I didn't know who it was. I know this all horrible things to say, but he was beating me and it just came out that way.

Later when he was sober I told him the truth, but of course he didn't believe me and he thinks I'm trying to protect someone. I left him because I was scared of him and I hated what the drugs did to him. He got sober and I went back and we got married. Well, after about 6 months of sober he went back to drinking and using. Then the blaming, the hitting, the fighting started all over again. I left several different times and he left several different times because I got scared.

His drugs of choice were cocaine at frist (which made him mad, so he stopped),  then it was crack, which did the same thing plus made him a little paranoid, then finally Meth. Meth makes him extremely paranoid, keeps him up for days, doesn't eat and makes him hear things and see things. During these times he would hit me. I have been to the hospital twice, been burned by cigarettes, he pissed on me once, had things thrown at me.All of this happens when he's high. And he doesn't remember a lot of what happens.I know that is very dangerous for me.I have Rheumatoid Arthritis in all my joints, so sometimes I hurt alot and he is so much stronger than me.

When he is sober, he is the greatest man in the world. I know what you are all going to say...that I should leave him. I have been in love with him for 16 years. We met in high school and I know he loves very much and right now he trying to stay sober. I'm not home with him, he hit me very early that morning or very late that night, don't know which one. He had gotten high three days before (which means he was up for three days) after I begged him not to. I lost my forth job because he didn't trust me enough to go work. I was afraid of history repeating itself so I left and went to my dad's in another state. I talk to him now by email because I know if I hear his voice I'm really going to want to go home to him. I already do. My family doesn't know I'm talking to him. I have been here a month and I don't know what to do. I'm totally lost and miserable without him. He's the only one that makes me happy. I'm really messed up about this and I don't know what to do. i want to home and try to work this out, but I'm afraid that he's going to use this, that I left, as a excuse to hit because he thinks I'm of cheating on him. I'm afraid to get a divorce because I love him so much and I'm also afraid the next girl will hurt him bad if not kill him if he does the same things to her.

Can anyone give me advice? Should I go back and try marriage counselling? Should I stay gone?