Arghhhh! I so cannot wait to go out tonight.  It's been ages since I went out drinking with the girls.  We're only going out locally, which I never do because as I may have mentioned before, I have a sincere hatred for the majority of the shit heads in this town.  But tonight, I just do not give a fuck. I'm going to enjoy Amber's birthday celebrations!

I've just got back from town, bought a stunning cream colour dress.  It's so pretty.  I looked in every possible shop to find a matching bag but, short of going to Cardiff (which I really couldn't be arsed to do) it was just impossible.  But, that's cool.  I'll just borrow one from Amber.

I'm in split minds as how to wear my hair.  I was thinking down and straight but the rain has pissed all over that idea.  Also, my tattoo is so scabby at the moment, if I wear my hair up, everyone will be able to see and it's not exactly looking great at the moment.  But, if I wear it down, it's going to irritate it.  Ugh.  I'm sure I'll figure it out though, I usually do.

I woke up this morning and was instantly excited about tonight.   So I made myself a Galaxy hot chocolate.  It looked so yummy, I had to take a picture.



 It was so nice :)

Went to town with Sara, that was fine.  Came home, and my new Buddy CD had been delivered. So I put it on, Dad came and sat by me.  We were listening, singing along and I was happy, as I usually am when listening to Buddy and he asked me "Does this music make you happy?"   I answered that it did and he said "When I die, it's going to make you cry everytime you hear it."  I immediately got a huge lump in my throat and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.  As much as I have a "fuck it" attitude, I'm so emotional.  I cry over everything.  A film, a song, a book, if either Mum, Dad, Sara or the kids cry... I want to cry with them.  I've even been known to cry at the odd TV ad. 
After a few minutes, Dad started smiling and was telling me about his Buddy Holly tattoo.  It's one of those old home made tattoos, not too clear and quite faded now.  He told me he must have been no older than 11 when he got it done.  He was then saying about when he was a kid, all his friends were loving Elvis and he was all for Buddy.  He asked if I was on Facebook right now, I said I wasn't but could be and he asked me to find someone if I could.  So, I started searching for David Hoare, a long lost friend of my dads.  They were in the same childrens home when they were 10.  He did my dad's tattoo.  We found somebody that my dad thinks is him so I sent him a message.  The smile on my dads face when I clicked on his profile and his profile picture came up was the sweetest thing.  I hope he replies.  My dad would be so pleased.

So now, although I'm still really excited to go out, I'm just waiting for the little bit of sadness I'm feeling to disappear.  The thought of losing somebody close to me really breaks my heart.  I'm quite lucky in the sense that I've never lost anybody immediately close to me. When I was about 8 years old, my Grandad (Mums dad) died and I remember feeling utter unhappiness but I didn't really get it.  My sister had a tough time in December. She was pregnant and three weeks before the baby was due, she unfortunately got rushed into the hospital and her daughter was stillborn.  Because it wasn't a miscarriage, she had to register the birth, the death and plan a funeral.   That broke us all.  It destroyed my family.  But, we're doing okay now and Sara is getting there.  Tonight will be the first time she's been out since.  I don't know how I'm going to cope with losing a best friend or a family member now.  I don't know that I could or would.

I haven't really spoke about Sara and Eva on here because I wasn't sure if I'd really keep this up, but just posting on here really makes me feel better about stuff.  Whether it's just to rant or express my happiness, it just feels like I've taken a load off.  I think also, if I don't know how I'm feeling about something, posting on here helps because I need to put it into perspective to write it.
Plus, I've talked to some really nice people.  And read some amazing stuff.  

I think it's time I started thinking about getting ready.  Got to find a bag and work out what to do with my hair.

Happy Friday lovelies x