So after finding out I was pregnant one of my friends dumped all her birth controlee down the drain and started to try to get pregnant. Now let me remind you not even a year ago she put up her son for adoption after having him home from the hospital for less than a month and decided he was too much work. I mean that was the best thing she did for him, as she can’t keep a steady job, steady bf, or a steady house. I don’t think she has stayed in the same house for longer than a month for the last year and a half. She is now 4 weeks pregnant. I feel like sometimes people keep trying to copy me, first my cousin rushes to the alter with his gf after me and my hubby got engaged. Now a good friend of mine rushed to get pregnant after she found out I was.

                I don’t get why people always think my life is so great. I mean maybe from the outside yeah it does look nice. I have a loving husband who has a stable job, and now we have a little one on the way. But the truth of it all is, my husband sometimes is a complete ass hole. He was the one who wanted to start our family right away. I did not even get to finish my college goal of at least getting my entire basics dune first. So I had to take off college to get pregnant and now I won’t get to go back… for I don’t know how long. Yeah a perfect life where all my choices are made for me and I have lost all control of my own life.

                Yeah maybe I did not stand up for myself and fight for the control like I probably should of, but everyone kept telling me marriage is about compromise… Somehow I don’t think I got the compromising strategy down that well, as I never get my way. It comes to sex either Jeremy is bitching it’s too much or not enough. Like before I got pregnant we were having too much, now I’m pregnant it’s never enough. At least I don’t allow him to drink around me anymore. Sometimes he is not so smart while drinking… I think last night if he was he probably would have tried to have sex with me even while I said no. He did try to have sex with me but being sober he understood my no was very clear.

                I’m still freezing cold, I never did get in to the shower as planed I actually ended up eating some roman noodles then taco in a bag plus a caffeine free coke. (over 500 calories there). I tried not to count how many calories it all was but in the end it happened and I almost threw up everything I ate in sight of the extremely high estimated number.