it's six thirty, and i've been up all night. K passed out awhile ago, as usual. the worst part about insomnia is the fact that it gives you time to think about everything. so many thoughts just running through your head, and you can't get them to stop. not even for one second.. i've realized that the thing that scares me the most is the unknown. there are so many things that no one knows about, at least no for sure. like, what happens after death, what's out in the universe, how everything began, etc etc etc. now, i'm not saying i don't believe in god, because i do. i might not be as religious as i should, but i would never doubt him in any way. i just don't understand, who made god? you know? just, the simple questions on how it all began. the thing about these subjects though, is i can't just wonder and be done. once i get started and start thinking and wondering, i can't stop. questions just run through my head, over and over. i know a lot of people have accepted the fact that they'll never know. they've accepted that sooner or later they're going to die, and for all they know there could be nothing after. i don't understand how someone can do that. i can't be okay with what i don't know. i want to know what is going to happen to me. i want to know if everything i'm going through now, have went through, and will go through is for something. or if it's all just not going to matter in the end. i believe that my loved ones that have passed are watching over me, but i just want to be reassured. i'm tired of wondering, i just want to know. but i know i never will. i can't even begin to explain my thought process right now. so many different things are flowing through my head. i'll be back i suppose, i just need to stop thinking like this.