a full big bottle of wine, and all mine. i'm almost done, it tasted like ass. i made R leave earlier, because i was super sketched out. being tipsy, and a little buzzed from smoking doesn't really help. N stayed, because i know C wanted him too. i was scared the whole time my parents would know. i mean, they probably still could who knows. i'm almost done with this full bottle of wine, and my emotions are getting the best of me. i miss C, you know?. the one person who really did care, i fucked up. i shouldn't have let N and K kiss me that one day. it all happened in the same day, it's so weird. they kissed me, while i was dating C. i won't get into details, because that'll be waaaaaaay too long. oh. and CH wants on her facebook. the gist of things? well.. my heart, it's broken. i've been hurt so many times... and, i hurt the one person you really cared. i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of feeling like no one cars. i want to feel proud of myself, i want to be able to accept who i am. i want to feel special. i know, i want i want i want. i need to think of others before me. and, i try to all the time. but when i'm drunk, i get sad. well, my sadness get's larger because of the alcohol. i'm sorry, i'm ranting. but, isn't that what a diary is for? i hope one day i will be content with who i am. no ashamed of who i am, and what mistakes i've made. i hate myself, and i hope one day that'll change. the best part about be drunk, is being 100 percent honest. and, even though i'm not typing out everything, atleast i know it all. i wish there was someone i could trust.. i guess that's why i made this diary, to be able to tell the truth... you know? not keep it all inside.. whatever. i'm going to text E. probably say things i'll regret. i'll let CH get on. see ya later. <3<3