| The (Secret) Garden Project |
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I replaced the strings on the Salvi harp yesterday, and retuned again this morning, very carefully. Then sat down and had 45 minutes of good practice. (I'm using "Harp for Today" and paying careful attention to form today ... and yes, I've got to get to the chiropractor. I can feel that my sacrum is out of alignment again, which is going to make practice difficult if I don't get it handled.)
I'm depressed, though. I hate being a perpetual beginner, and yet it sums up my life on so many different levels. Here's how it works: I work very hard at something - horseback riding, music, whatever, its not important. But I work and sweat and struggle and learn and make some progress and then - HERE COMES THE HAMMER! - things change at work ... a new duty, something else to track, a new project, someone's out on leave, another layoff, whatever ... and my life goes into the blender. Again. Maybe I'd developed a discipline of getting up an hour early so I can do my SOL meditations, or have harp practice or whatever, but now I'm using that hour to get into the office and crank through the extra work I've been assigned.
This year has been like that. For everyone, I know, I know. But I am so tired. I'm so tired of missing out on my real life. It can't be denied that the boundary between personal and professional time has, for an awful lot of people, been effectively obliterated, and the effect is demoralizing.
My callouses are gone. I am starting all over again. Yes, I know I'm not *really* starting over ... I've done enough work in the past that my basics are good, and those good habits haven't fallen by the wayside. But there's no denying that my hands are much weaker than they were; I need to redo all that conditioning work.
Its not just harp practice. It's my meditational practice. It's cooking. It's my horsemanship. I'm back to square one in so many different areas of my life that I just can't stand it. But what can I do about it? I have to start over; the only alternative is to give up utterly, and I just can't do that. I refuse to be a corporate drone, one of those sad, goblinated little people who literally lives to work and doesn't have the time to actually live their life...and ends up alienated not only from family, from friends, but from themselves as well.
Does anyone else out there struggle with this?? With never being able to achieve mastery of anything, because keeping bread and bologna in the fridge sucks up every creative impulse and moment you have?
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There's a 10,000 hour rule. I wanted to know where it came from, and lo and behold, Google delivered. Daniel Levitin wrote about it in his book "This is Your Brain on Music." Here's what he wrote:
Okay then. 10,000 hours. Of EFFECTIVE practice. (You get no points for pointless meanderings, Lily!) So ...
************************************************************ My former harp teacher, Stephanie, is going to join us for brunch over at an Indian restaurant in ... well, holy pumpkins, she's going to be here in 45 minutes. So I'll have to pick this up later, but you can bet I'm going to talk to her about whether she thinks the 10,000 hour rule holds water. ************************************************************ Oh, and we have progress on the Compost front! 108 degrees for two days running now! Woo-hoo! Here's a big THANK YOU to microbes.
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