My worst fears are coming true, and the worst part is that I've been acting specifically to fulfill them.

Fear 1: I will live life lonely and die lonely.

Fear 2: I will go through life never knowing love.

All of the decisions I made recently were designed to avoid those fears, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that all of my decisions are causing me to head straight towards them.

• I'm taking a job that will isolate me further
• I'm looking to move to an isolated part of the state (to be convenient to the new job).  
• My free time will be nearly non-existent. (due to the new job)
• I am no longer in an institution (college) where people of similar age and interest.gather. (not that it helped before)

I fear the things above simply because I've never known life differently. I've always been lonely and I have never known love, but I was sustained by the fact that loneliness will go away (with the help of friends) and I will someday be loved. Things will change... or so I thought.

Now I'm not so sure. I'm basically friendless--I suspect family only likes me out of obligation (and they don't know a couple of my secrets that'll cause them to change). I've been on this planet nearly 26 years and I have never been a relationship, while my peers seem to stumble over their friends and successive significant others.

Me? The people I like (as friends, mostly) don't stick around very long. Most people I like stop talking to me after a couple of months. A strange few I know for a half-year before they'll have nothing to do with me.

I am defective and ought to have learned by now that my fears are accepted as fact by people like me.