I didn't get home from work until 11:30.  The store closed at nine.  It was a busy day, which was good because as soon as a sad thought came into my mind, there was always something to do.  Not that it took the sadness away, but it helped distract me from it very, very briefly, yet consistently.  Though, it's never gone.

I wanted to come home early, as soon as I could, from work.  But due to complications that happened tonight while working, I was kept longer.  I had planned on being home by 10 (at the latest), reviewing possible questions that could be asked during my interview tomorrow, and answering them, finding the right clothes to wear (I do not have many "dressy" clothes at all, as I don't have money to go on shopping sprees often).  It wasn't easy, but I found something that looks semi-professional, boyfriend-approved.  

Just doing this, so many emotions came up about my Dad.  Even though I live on my own, and am independent, he would always take me shopping for every season of the year.  He was the sweetest man in the world.  In situations such as these, if I didn't have the money to get something I needed for this interview, he would've bought it for me.  I don't think I'll ever be able to go to a mall again, without crying, without feeling as though he needs to be there.  Going on little trips to stores and malls was something we always did together.  It was fun.  We'd get a hotel room, go to the casino, then go shopping the next day.  Oh, how I miss you, Dad.  

Going to this interview is even harder, because I won't be able to go talk to him afterwards, or have called him tonight to talk about my concerns about the interview, and hear his advice.  I greatly appreciate the love and help I get from others in my life, but honestly, nothing compares to what my Dad would've said or done, in any situation.  Nothing compares.

Now it's nearly four in the morning.  I am anxious and don't think I'll be able to sleep.  I've barely eaten all day, because I don't have money to buy much food these days, and I was at work for most of the day.  By the time I got out, I just had to focus on preparing myself for my interview tomorrow.  

Despite the lack of sleep I will be getting (if any) I am going to get up early, so that I can prepare myself more, make sure everything's right, before my interview.  This means a lot to me, because I've been searching for a better job for years now, on and off, and my Dad always told me it'd be good to get a bank teller job, "a foot in the door", he'd day.  <3

Dad, I wish so much that you were here now, for so many countless reasons, I can't even begin to list (because the list would never end).  

Today at work, one of my dad's friends came in and asked how he was doing.  It was so hard telling him he'd passed.  I was at work, I had customers in line, and I couldn't share details with him because I would have broken down.  I nearly did.  I got tears in my eyes, but I pushed through it and continued to work.  Still, very hard.  I didn't want to have to tell him you were gone.  He nearly started crying himself, he said it took his breath away, and he didn't have words.

I hope you can feel my love, Dad, always.  I hope you will guide me and watch over me, and somehow make your presence known throughout my entire life here, until I am with you again.  I hope and pray to be with you again, when my time comes.  Anything else, would be hell to me.  

I guess it's time to try to get some sleep.