|A Beautiful Mess|
TIred. Sore. Heart burning. No breath. Constipated. Big. Bloated.
I wish I didn't have to vent or complain. In fact, I feel bad doing so. I said to a co-worker that I am tired of being pregnant and she started telling me how she lost two kids before she had her son and then three after. She started crying. I felt like a horrible human being. I didn't mean it that way. I love my Lily and I can't wait for her to be here. But I am tired of being tired and sluggish. I know I seem to be complaining a lot lately. One of my friends said that you get that way towards the end so you don't care what measure they take to get the baby out of you.
Weird dreams are continuing. My one dream was very odd. I had a dream that a guy with an earing and short black hair snuck into my old bedroom at my parent's house. I saw that he was there, and he taught me some really fun card games to play with my students. When he left, I went into the kitchen at my parents' house and my mom came running down the steps saying that someone ejaculated all over my bedroom. It sounds so gross, but it was true. I ran upstairs and found a pail of ejaculation and then I picked up a bandaid on the floor and there was cum all over it. I knew immediately it was the guy who taught me the card games. I locked all my windows so he wouldn't climb back in. Then I saw someone in the bathroom. I thought it was him, so I ran into the bathroom to stop him from leaving. I saw that it was one of my students crying hysterically because he missed his friend, Sadie. I tried to comfort him, but I couldn't do much to stop him from crying. I called his mom and she picked him up. So weird!
Then I had a dream that I needed a C-section and I was in the hospital room staring at Andrew and listening to Jason Mraz and Phish while they were cutting me open. I was so scared.
I can't even imagine what the day I give birth will be like. This is something that I really can't even picture of fathom. I am starting to get anxious and worried. I couldn't fall asleep after thinking about the C-section.
I ordered Nutrisystem today. I got a 30.00 discount because a friend referred me. My first order should be here any day now. I am not starting until after Lily is born. My second month ships on Feb. 6th. I will have my 2 months (I only plan to do 2 months) all ready for when I get home from the hospital. Andrew yelled at me because I said, "I am ready to lose this baby weight!" He got aggravated and said, "The baby isn't even born yet!" I can't help that I am motivated. My mind set is there! At least I am excited about it, so I know I will follow through.