I woke up alone AGAIN, for the second time in a row... I think my fiancee is just pushing me away, and it's making things worst for me. It makes me feel like utter complete crap. Seems all my dreams are just better than my reality. I keep saying things will get better.... and than I remember how many people I've told this too when they were down, and I know exactly how they feel when I told them this now.

I recently feel like I have nobody at all in this forsaken daily basis of misery. Me and all my friends have grown apart, and no one talks to me anymore. Except internet friends on facebook....

I don't think I want to go through with anything I'm doing right now. I just have no emotional motivation to do anything anymore....except cry. I miss when things were simple, and I was actually happy. I gave up so much to get back with my fiancee.... and he doesn't even realise this. I gave up every ounce of everything that made me happy. Work, friends, family.... everything, just so that he was happy, and I get to be miserable....

I'm pretty sure I just completely lost myself, and can't find me again. He's just breaking me down to the bone now....even though I love him so much.

I don't know where to go from here...so I'll just keep sitting in my room...in bed.

hoping everything works out....

or maybe I'll just go on a long walk and end up somewhere completely different, and far away.

if only hopes came true right?