|Day to Day Struggle|
"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight, Just a touch of the fire burning so bright, No I don't want to mess this thing up
-So last night was great... well the time i spent with Chelsea... I have mentioned chelsea before in my previous entries. She is one of my x girlfriends. We dated on and off through high school. We just never really worked out. But idk... a big part of me really likes chelsea. its just that she is so shy and quiet. but anyways we have kinda been talking latley... and she always ask me to chill but idk i always bail out on her.. but last night i decided to give it a try. so we chilled. i had been drinking a little bit of liqour before i chilled with her but i was not drunk. my friend Tracy gay brother spilled me drink on the ground so i wasnt even drunk.
but i met up with chelsea at the diamond. she had her moms car and she was with her friend. i was a bit nervous to hangout with her because we have sooooo many awkaward moment together.. that its unreal. and i hate awkawrd. but last night she was really giggly and fun. she def broke out of her shell. we had fun. we hung out road all over town and then we went to this party together. chelksea was teasing me in the parking lot.. she loves to tease.. i think its cute :) but i kept on hitting on other girls right in front of chels... i didnt realize that we were taking us serious i thought we were just friends.. but chels got rly offenend and told me not to hit on other girls anymore. because she wants to be the only girl i hit on. :) it was kinda cute. but my drunkness made me an complete ass hole. it was rather embaressing. but chels had fun with me.
i almost got chelsea initial tatted on the palm of my hand last night... but the guy could not find clean needles. everyone was drunk and was getting tatted but i was like i want a clean needle before u tat me.. but he didnt have any so i didnt get a tattoo.. which i am kinda greatfull because that would have been a drunk mistake. but chelsea was going to get me nick name T.T. she was so serious about it. she wanted me to go first though. but at the party chelsea definatley broke out of her shell. she doesnt drink.. . she doesnt like me to drink :/ so we have a little tention between us when i decide to party.. she doesnt rly mind it i just do stupid shitt when i am drunk.
but at like 1:30am chelsea mom flipped out her because she wasnt home yet so she had to leave me... i was going to spend the night with her but she got in trouble for being out past her curfew... she is 18 and is a senior in high school. but anyways i walked chelsea back to the car and gave her a kiss goodnight. this kiss was so perfect... its eveything i have been craving. it was so precious.. her sweet sweet lips were so beautifully pressed up agianst mine. it was so wonderfull.... that was the first time that i actually enjoyed kissing chelsea. because i wrote before on her she doesnt know how to kiss. she was all about tounge and out teeth would always hit and i hated that.. but last night we just repeditively kissed. it was so awesome. she hugged me and we were holding hands.. it was a perfect moment. it was a sweet moment. i didnt want her to have to leave me :(
but everyone told us that we make a cute couple... we arent even together ppl just assumed that last night :) but chelsea and i are going to take this slow.. i dont like jumping into relationships... this time we want to make this last forever... so we are going to do it right! im excited though, i am really into this girl. i hope all works out. but after chelsea left i went crazy i just kept on taking shots and shots it was INSANE!!! i was so drunk we walked to kenzi house and we started smoking sooo much. it was wild i just lost all my morals and respect for myself. i was acting so crazy.. i was smashing my head off the wall i was trying to smash my head through a glass table... i was falling everywhere.. it was bad... kenzi my friend finally got me to lay down on the couch and i did... but they were playing little as games with me and i got pissed. i just picked up my glass cup full of water and i wipped it at the wall.. the cup hitt kenzi in the face... it didnt cutt her though but the glass shattered on the wall. it was pretty crazy. prob traumatizing for kenzi. i would have been in so much trouble if she would have got her.
i hate when i am under the influences that bas. i had no self controll. :/ but i was so mad at myself cause kenzi was crying and i was crying i grabbed a knife and tried to kill myself :( i was so sad. but i didnt. i through the knife and i took a walk bymyself for 1 hour.. after i calmed down i went home... when i get super duper drunk i turn into a bad person. a rude ignortant person. kenzi said she never saw me like that before in my life. i was sad for myself :( very very sad.... but i went to aplogize to her this morniong but she was still pissed so we are going to talk later...anyways i am going to hang with chels later <3 i rly hope things between us go well1
-o yeah i think i shattered my elbow or something.. idk its in so much pain. im FUCKING screwed... but i can move it and what not... it just hurts rly rly rly bad... :/