| Grand Illusion. |
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Time: 1:31am.
Yes, I am still at work, but here is my dilemma, or a couple of them. I am falling in love with my work partner and house mate, who are the same person. I thought I had better add that last part just in case you were confused. Heehee. Anyway, the urge to hug her, to touch her, it's almost irresistible, like earlier on in the night, we were standing close as we chatted, then some customers approached and she turned her back on me to talk to them, I was standing right behind her and oh my gawd, I so badly wanted to wrap my arms around her, I really did, the urge was so strong, and it would have felt like the most natural thing in the world, but I couldn't, because she is straight, and I am a dyke, a dyke who still fucks blokes. Haha. Here's dilemma number two. I cannot get over the whole drug bull shit, I hate it, I hate that she, my house mate and work partner is so hard core on it all, on the Ice, the Smack and the Methadone shit. Today Janey keeps boasting about her cleaning spree at home, and I desperately want to be proud of her, be grateful too, but all I can think about is that it must have been the Ice, she must have been high on the Ice to find that mood, that energy. I am not a drug user anymore, yet here I am obsessed by it all, it consumes my thoughts, just as it would a junkie. Arrrgh. I wish I could just let it all go, I wish I just didn't care, after all it's her life, why should it affect me in anyway? But it does, and I don't know how to explain it, it just does, it makes me sad, and scared, scared for her. Sighs.
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