So, the good thing is- (edit)

Last Friday near the end of the day I checked my mailbox downstairs and found a "get lost" letter from my bank’s finacial arm and assumed* that it regarded the line of credit ap I had filled out on wednesday at the bank.  The rent was due, I had used up my cash and was nibbling at the remainder of the balance on the Visa card, and the van, which had been mostly compliant with my wishes to go whereever whenever was being balky and unreliable.

I have a much lower tolerance for uncertainty in my life these days, so for me, the shit had hit the fan, and I wanted to bitch loud and long at… whomever I felt deserved it.  My Blacky cat has come to ignore these things, but he does sleep in the closet to get away from the occaisional outburst of profane death wishes, etc.

But just bitching at the walls and the cat were, like, totally unsatisfying, dude.  In years past I would have felt too full of negativity and had to go out for a long walk or something, but these days I have Open Diary to write in, and the process of framing my thoughts into words and paragraphs and pages has somewhat of a calming influence that writng in journals in past days did not.’I got to bitch in "public" and had a lot of support and encouragment, and hugs and such. 

It was good.  I felt better.

As I opened the mail yesterday – before I went to the bank with that turn-down letter in my pocket to, like, ask forcefullly (not "demand" but almost) for an explanation – I thought, well how cool is this!!! 

Good thing I only bitched in OD!  I’da looked like shit if I had gone straight to the bank – or just picked up the phone – so it’s a real good thing that I had the release safely!

And, just in case ya know, I never once mentioned my bank’s name.  You know, in case someone who works for that bank reads this and get, like, offended or something.

So, Open Diary once again proves it’s value and worth to me. In a perfect world, a hundred bucks for lifetime membership would be, like, pocket change, and I’d buy that Lifetime thing.  Now I’ve borrowed money, and I could, like do that, but I think it would be a rather foolish way to part with that resource.

Fixing the van that works for me?  Yeah. 

Paying off a woman who was kind to me, whom I haven’t seen in a long time who I owe money to, because I want to think well of myself  her to think well of me and cuz it’s the right thing to do? 

Duh, it’s the right thing to do.

Those few things I can spend borrowed money on – for everything else, I’ll earn it or go without.

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*The Navy said when you asume, you make an ass of "u" and "me"

(edit)

Things usually work out.  Often not the way I want them to, but in such a way as I can get used to it and even like the outcome.  As I was walking to the post office just now (on such a nice day!) I was thinking about that.

It seems to me that things have always worked out, and in a sense, knowing that, I don’t put much effort into much of anything in this life.  It says on my Profile that "I think I’ll take this ride and see where it goes" and that’s pretty much how I’ve approached life in general.  I’m just here to see what happens and where it takes me.

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