1998 Entry (Insane Youth)

Stolen

Do I sound like my grandparents when I say, “What’s this world coiming to?” Probably, but I feel that way. So much has been taken from us during our lifetimes. When I was growing up I don’t ever remember kids getting shot up in school… beat up maybe, even a knife or two with the really “bad” kids, but not shot.

Were kids as crazy back then? I don’t know… maybe, but no family in my neighborhood owned a gun (that we knew of). No guns equal no shooting. The crazy kids were still a little scary… but we didn’t really fear for our lives and as long as we had that guardian/authority — the teacher — to run to, then we would be safe. Now even the teachers are fearful.

My mother was a teacher and my father a principal of an elementary school. Nobody was bringing in guns back then, everybody seemed so respectful. But things did start to change. I think the turning point I remember was when a young girl picked up a chair and physically threatened my mother with it. She said she remembered thinking how grateful she was that she was wearing a wig, it would cushion the blow. Standing her ground, my mother acted firm and fearless and the girl put the chair down — but in my young mind that was the incident that led to this future.So now we have this kid in Oregon who shot up his friends. Ordinarily we can all say, “Well, his family was abusive/dysfunctional etc.” But, in this case, it seems they were just normal “joes” doing the best they could by their kids. What happened????

I find now that more than lives have been stolen. This rash of baby-killing female teens and peer/adult killing male teens have stolen something precious from us all. They’ve taken our innocence as parents. They’ve taken the security we feel in our relationships with our own children.

I have forbidden my son to play with guns and now have banned violent nintendo games and movies as well. I was looking at him through narrow eyes as he played, sizing up his emotional health.

Would my baby ever lift a rifle at a human? Was this how it started for those other boys? I comfort myself by remembering my brothers playing with toy guns. I even remember myself playing with those little green army men and indulging in hours of quasi-violence.

My parents passed through the room with indulgent smiles, amused by our seriousness. It never crossed their minds that this might be the creation of a mass-murderer or serial killer. The teen-murderers have stolen that comfort from us.

When I was growing up, it was assumed that teenaged girls had a soft spot for children, now we have to worry if they’re going to murder their own at the prom. I have to lay awake nights when my daughters out wondering if her boyfriend might kill her in a moment of anger or if a female acquaintance will do her in out of some insane jealousy. have to send my children to school wondering if they will come home alive. I have to kiss my husband goodbye in the morning wondering if a terrorist will be bombing the well-known skyscraper at which he works. My mom only had to worry about if I’d stay a virgin and if I’d marry the right guy. The stress of being a parent in this generation is painful.So, what does this have to do with aging… well, I have this scary thought that maybe it’s good that you have kids while you’re still young. If I had to wait ’til this age, I’m not so sure I would have subjected a small human being to the world we’re leaving behind. I feel old and impotent to do anything to change the world. I used to have such big hopes and high ideals. Now they’ve all been stolen.