Whatever.

 I only use this diary when I’m depressed and/or going through rough patches.
I have not made an entry since November. Which is pretty fucking amazing considering how shittacular my life is.

Let’s get things sorted out a little bit.
-Madly in love with someone who did not reciprocate the feelings.
-This person reciprocating these feelings for a short period of time, only to realise that they could not handle it.
-Being angry about it.
-Being depressed about it.
-Being depressed in general.

I’m kind of on the ‘general depression’ phase at the moment.
Sure, I can handle a break-up. As well as any average person does!
Quite amazing, actually.
but the
Break-up, no friends, no job, no loving family, no money, being an idiot, being incredibly unattractive…
kind of depression… the kind where you just keep digging, digging, and digging into nothing.
Only to find out you’re in a giant fucking whole with no way out.

Sure, you can pretend you’re digging to the center of the world which is filled with waterfalls and giant mushrooms.
but it’s just fucking lava.

I can’t pretend anymore.
Pretending to be okay is too difficult.

I’m not okay.
I’m not okay.
I’m not okay.

I’m insane, really.

I just wish I had someone in the hole with me…
or even someone I could yell for to throw me some goddamn rope if I’m not already charred to death.

to at least TRY to get out.
Sure, I could get myself out… right?

as dreamy as that seems, it’s really unrealistic.
sure, if the hole isn’t as deep as mine, it’d be easy…
but right now.
I just want someone to fry in lava with me
give me a hug
and say…

we made be screwed, but at least we were able to dig this goddamn hole.

I write like: William Gibson