but the very next day, you gave it away.

so anyways, to update on things other than christmas — Evan and I are no longer talking. We were still talking a few weeks ago & then we broke up and still continued to be friends, which we both knew would end. and it did a week or 2 later. He’s become such a dick & I dont know why, but I dont really care because I know that theres nothing that I did to him. I never treated him bad or lied to him or anything like that, so he can fuck off. I still really care about him and I still miss the hell out of him and whenever I see something that reminds me of him, I get all teary-eyed and shit, but if hes going to be like this, then i guess its better that I’m not talking to him because I’m just going to get hurt anyway.

Timmy and I..well..theres nothing really new & there never is. Its the same old shit day after day after day. We talk sometimes and when we do, its normally fighting. He wrote me these letters that I read this morning saying about he wants things to start over again because us, like to the very first day when we were just kids & i kissed him on my living room floor and neither of us had any idea that it was going to lead into a 2 year relationship with all these problems..but that wouldnt work. First of all, I dont trust him and I never will. He slept with my cousin..who the fuck does that? and then he went on to cheat on me again, with someone that I knew he was going to cheat on me with. I’m not just talking about him cheating on me again, but I’m talking about trusting him with anything. Last week when I spent the night there, I left my one bag there that had my seroquel in it because I didnt wanna carry two bags to school. When I got to his house after school, he wrote me this horrible letter saying about how I’m an asshole and how I’m never there for him and this and this and it was just really mean. So here, he went thru all my shit..reading all my notes, which he was convinced were with some guy that I liked and wanted to be with and blah blah and he took the seroquel, which he said he flushed, but i doubt it. I’m sure he has. so fuck him. I get so fucking mad just thinking about him fucking going thru my shit and taking my fucking seroquel. argh. !@#~#% fuck him. Besides not trusting him, I cant stand the doing drugs. Yeah, okay. If I still did drugs, it wouldnt be that big of a deal. Or maybe I should say..If it were GOOD drugs..but all he does is smoke pot and that annoys the fuck out of me. The rest of the shit he does, he does when I’m not around. If he was doing morphiene or something, or coke, or oxys when I was around, I’d be like well I dont care get me some, which is fucked up to say, but whatever. I’m so mad right now and just thinking about evan gets me all fucked up ;x I’m sad );

Emm..Things between Jillian and I never happened. We hung out and shit and we were drunk and I dont know, I just dont think that it would work. I mean I love her to death, shes one of my best friends & I would be with her in heartbeat, but I just dont know if either one of us are willing to risk our friendship on that. I also don’t know if I want anyone right now. I mean, I love her and I’m sure that I’d be happy with her, but I’m kinda content with just nto having to worry about anyone. I like not having to deal with peoples bullshit, well, commitment bullshit at least. so I’m hoping that we can just continue to be friends until whenever and then maybe, when the time is right, we can be together<33

So theres a new boy in my life ;D Well, He’s not new, but hes back in my life. Seth. The one from Oley..not my exboyfriend Seth. But yeah, a week ago or maybe it was 2 weeks ago..haha, i dont remember, He came up cuz we had been talking and he hung out with me and breanne for awhile. We made out for a little bit & he wanted to do more, but we were at Breannes house and that was the day that I had the fever really bad, so I wasnt really up to anything. The only problem..His girlfriend. I’m sick of feeling like ‘the other girl.’ I’m sick of always having to wait for him to call me, because I’m afraid of calling if he would be with Steph, & I’m sick of him hardly ever being able to come see me because if he doesnt spend everyday with Steph, she freaks. But then again, I cant just be like “well its either me or her” because I know he’d pick her. He’s been with her for almost a year, and he said that he might be breaking up with her and I dont know, I guess the situation is pretty confusing. All I know is that the way things are going right now, Seth and I will end up sleeping together & then he’ll still stay with Steph..which is going to make me feel like shit. whatever. I just hope that if somtehing happens, it happens soon and if something doestn, then it ends soon.

but blah. on to other non-depressing thoughts – I might be going out with Janelle, Kellsey & Adrian tonight. Its’ already 730 though, so I’m not sure. I called Janelle to see if she wanted to exchange christmas gifts, but she said that she was going to best buy & then to barnes & nobles, but that she’d tell adrian to call me when they were done shopping. I doubt that he’ll call though because they’re all dicks like that. So I convinced my mom to head up to Jess’s, me driving of course, to drop off her presents & so we went there and sat there and talked for awhile with her, her mom and talon. I enjoyed it because 1- I got to drive, 2- I got out of the house for a little bit, 3- I got to play with Talon and 4- it passed some time. So now i’m just waiting around to see if they call. If thye dont call by 800, maybe I’ll give them a call, but I dont know..we’ll see what happens <3