so long, been swell, see you in hell

this past weekend was so much fun ;D Me & Bree got mushrooms from Kyle and Me, Bree & Jess ate them, it was great. It was a lot better than the last time that we ate em. Saturday I just hung out around my house and shit pretty much all day..Then Jess and I went to her house and picked up Kira after Levi came..ate the mushrooms on the way back to my house and hung out there for awhile. I convinced myself that my leg was rubber, haha, and i was walking around and my leg kept giving out, it was so funny. Levi was being so fucking annoying, I couldnt stand him. Him and Kira werent tripping on mushrooms, so they probably thought that we were fucking retarded but i dont care because i had fun. It was great at first but shit started getting really fucked up because Jess and I were standing at the door smoking a cigarette and I kept freaking out because I thought my mom was going to be home because when you take mushrooms, theres no sense of time, so time can either go really fast or really slow, it just depends. So then I just stopped worrying about it and then Levi started playing with my alarm clock and I was flipping out because the noises in my head wouldnt stop. I was screaming at him to stop playing with it and he wouldnt and I was ready to kill him. So then after I was done smoking, I went and layed on the couch and just tripped by myself on my couch, haha. It was the best time because when I would close my eyes, the colors were just so amazing. They were so wonderful, I cant even describe them. So Levi goes to smoke a cigarette and hes smoking and then he just walks into the kitchen, with a cigarette still lit, and hes like “can i use the phone” and i was like “Do you have a cigarette in my hosue?” and hes like uhh yeah and im like well get the fuck out and hes flipping..”Chill the fuck out” and I’m screaming back “No, Get the fuck out of my house with a cigarette” and argh. He just made me so mad.

so then Breanne came up after she ate her mushrooms and chilled with us for a little bit. She didnt get as many visuals as I did, but oh well. So then after Rachel got off work, she came to my house and picked up me and kira and breanne went with Levi and Jess and we went to the Pillar..which is a place in West Reading..its a hookah lounge and its the coolest place ever, haha. We were all tripping and shit and it was just so much fun. Travis, Alyse, Alyssa, Joey, Rob, Jon, Adam, & Justin were all there, which was pretty cool. The guy, Sam, that owns the place knew that we were tripping and he was talking to us and stuff, tryn to get mushrooms, he was pretty cool. The whole night I was tryn to figure out where I knew him from because he looked so familar, and finally tonight, I figured out that he’s Ralphs brother – this guy that lives up the street from me. Oh my god, mega hottie, haha. We smoked all different kinds of tobacco and it was just the coolest place ever. Its like a cafe with couchs and tvs and music and video games and it was just so cool. I cant wait to go back.

I talked to Evan the other day. Hes such a fucking dick. Hes talking to this girl Amanda that I’ve known since I was like in 6th grade, and it makes me sick to my stomach. They’re not dating or anything, but I’m sure they’re having sex and I’m sure by now they’re dating. I love that kid so much and I just wish that things would have worked out between us, but yet I know that its mostly my fault that they didnt. I was the one that broke up with him in the first place, for no reason..just because I didnt wanna be with him. I was the one that cheated on him and I still havent told him..I guess I’m just getting what I deserve. There was so many times when Evan would call me all upset and be like “when are you going to want to be with me?” “when are you going to be my girlfriend?” There were so many times when he wanted me to come to his house after shocktoberfest when i ditched him for DJ. There were so many times when I should have told him how much I cared about him and I never did. Its time for me to move on. Its time for me to let go of him because I know that I”m never getting him back. I love You Evan.

Its the same with Timmy. Things are over with Timmy and its breaking my heart more and more each day. It might be better this way, but it just hurts so fucking bad. I dont know how to get over him, but I have to sooner or later. Last week, I went through my box of collection shit, and I put all the pictures of me and timmy..the notes we wrote each other..the pictures he drew for me..and just a bunch of other shit from him into one of the older boxes..just putting him out of my memory. I dont want to forget about him because I love the kid to death and I always will, but I just have to push him back farther so that this doesnt hurt me so bad. I dont know if I wrote about it, but he said that he doesnt want anything to do with me. He told me that he doesnt want me coming to his house anymore, calling, or anything, so I havent, and I’m not going to. I normally would, but I’m sick of running to him. Let him to come if he wants to, but if he doesnt, then I guess I’ll just have to suffer. It’ll make me stronger in the end, even if its making me so weak right now.

So Seth..We walked last week or something and he said that he was going to come up either Wednesday or Thursday because he has off work, but I dont even know if I want him to. Its not that I dont wanna be with the kid or care about him or anything, I just cant deal with the whole him cheating on his girlfriend and me being “the other girl” I’m so sick of being the other girl. I’m so sick of always having to wait around for people that are just going to fuck me over. I’m so sick of always having to wait for people to call and to make me happy. If hes not going to break up with Steph, then he has to stop fucking around with my mind like this. He has to decide what he wants. grr.

Girls are another fucking issue. Jillian is back with her ex girlfriend Ashlee and it hurts so fucking bad. She made such a big deal about me getting over Evan and so I finally was starting to and then she gets back with Ashlee. I know that she loves Ashlee and shit so theres nothing that I can do about it and I’m not pissed or anything, it just makes me upset. I guess they’re getting an apartment together and shit, so now I know that I’m never going to see her..and that really sucks because she was one of my best friends. I guess we’ll see what happens..Her and Ashlee always break up and they always fight, but whatever..because they always end up getting back together too.

Janelle has been getting on my nerves so much lately too. I went to her house last night to get my jacket that I left there & when I walked into her house, she didnt even say hi to me, so I just talked to her brother for awhile and then she goes to me “How did you get here?” and I told her that Jess and Kira were out waiting in the car and shit and she got all pissed and rolled her eyes

. I was just like whatever..and I left, thinking nothing of it because she always gets in moods like that. So today, Travis, Me, Jess, Rachel & Bree all went to the diner to get something to eat and janelle had such a big problem with it. I go there at least 2 times a week, so I dont see what the big problem is. We all got something to eat and we hardly smoked any cigarettes, and MoHammad, the owner, wasnt giving us dirty looks or anything, so I dont see why she has. Our bill was like 30 dollars or something, and Janelle gave us 5 dollars..I guess thinking that we wouldnt leave a tip or something? I was like what the fuck, then as we were walking out she was talking to Brianna and saying about how she alwasy has to pay for us or something and I was just like okay shut the fuck up. I was like you’re such a fucking bitch and yeah, argh. stupid fucking people !@!^%@^&

Today was funny though..Rachel called before we were gonna go get something to eat and she told me that she would be right over, so we were waiting for her and bree to show up when rachel calls and says that her car broke down, haha, so Lennie and me went to go find her and jump start her car and we were driving behind her after we jumpstarted her car and it broke down again, lmao. So we did it again and we were driving behind her again and it stalled again, haha..so we had to do it 3 more times and it just wasnt connecting or something and the battery wasnt working so lennie had to tow rachels car back to our house..which was only right down the street from the shurfine parking lot, so it wasnt that big of a deal, but it was funny. I was never in a car that being towed before, haha.

k well rachel is here right now and shes upset and its almlost 9 30 and i gotta finish my bio project..haha..procrastanator, haha..so yeah. later kids!! <3