Stay

You used to tell me to just write when I would sit and stare at the cursor blinking. You told me that the words would come and they usually did. Like today. You told me to believe in myself when I was doubting everything. And everything did turn out okay. I ranted to you about everything, including you sometimes. You listened. You played devil’s advocate. You pointed out when I was wrong. You sometimes joined in on the rant. You didn’t have to be my friend after all the shit, but you were. You’d quote movies and tv shows with me. You were a father to my son when you didn’t have to be. You gave me our son. You gave me an extended family I never knew I needed. There is so much you did for me that on Saturday, when the last thing I ever said to you was “Thank you for everything” I didn’t realize how relevant that final sentence would be. Not until now. 

I screamed and bawled and wailed in the car trying to get to my best friend’s house. I threw out into the universe that I’d do anything to get you back. Anything. But you are gone. Death’s finality is a cruel, cold bitch. And I don’t know how to live in a world without you. How am I supposed to exist on this planet without you in it? 

“All along it was a fever. A cold sweat, hot-headed believer.  I threw my hands in the air, said ‘show me something’.
He said, ‘If you dare come a little closer’

Round and around and around and around we go

Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can’t live without you
And it takes me all the way
I want you to stay” -Rihanna