I am already at a point where I feel nothing but tiredness. There are days when I feel kind of okay but mostly unhappy and unsatisfied. It's like nothing excites me anymore. I am just tired. Tired of life, tired of feeling empty. Just. Tired.

Every day seems like another day towards the inevitable. Things are getting worse for me everyday, no matter how hard I try it just seems like nothing works. Most times it feels like I take 1 step forward and 20 steps backward. My accounts are empty now and I have no idea what to do…

Last year, I went through the toughest heart break of my life. I trusted a person who seemed genuine but ended up leaving me for someone else. He has bipolar disorder 2, has an avoidant attachment style and I think he may also have narcissistic personality disorder. I know many of you might say t...

I want to be honest here. Anytime I talk about myself or mention myself in any kind of way, I feel selfish and the self loathing starts. I really don't know what do to about that. It's why I decided to come on here, where no one knows me. I thought it would be easier…

I’m just sitting in the shower. Bawling. Somedays it’s what I do best. I am just so over things somedays. I’ve been sick. Forever. M shared strep with me and I got an amazing cold on top of it. Like covid was better than this cold. Of course this all starts hours before M’s tubes…

Maybe I should write something too. Maybe something sensible or maybe something senseless. All these senseless things, however judgmental I may come off as, are opinions and ideas floating around with no backbone. It's dawned on me how ridiculous it is not to discuss ridiculous things considering...

This one popped up this weekend.  I'd forgotten all about it for years.  22 years to be exact. What prompted this memory?  I have no idea.  A combination of things - Brandon coming in to get food Thursday night.  A post on the NM FB Page about mother's doing inappropriate things when a baby is&he...

A new chapter. This chapter is just to write the random memories that are popping into my head as my mother likely faces her final months/years.  To remind myself, it isn't me, it's her.  To read when the guilt is consuming.  To share with my therapist when I feel like the crazy one.  To remember...

A new year... I'm not a huge fan of "New Year Resolutions".  How often do people actually stick to them?  That would be something interesting to read the statistics on.  I'm going to say like 10% or less.  If I really picked a number I'd go with 3%.  Yeah, I've got lots of "resolutions".  No,&hel...

Now for today's entry - I had yesterdays almost done.  Then got busy doing something and had to leave to get to the new job without saving it.  Ugh.  I swear life at work is all or nothing. Today - Today is rough.  I'm still exhausted.  M was asleep on the floor when I got…