You Are Not Alone Circle
More Loss, TW Suicides.
I've got 20 minutes or so to spare before I need to leave for my next job. Decided if I typed fast I'd have time for an entry. The last few weeks have sucked. Everything freaking sucks. I'm trying to find the positives - at least I'm alive. Even that doesn't feel that positive today.…
Seriously Can’t Win
I just simply can’t win. I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone. There will always be some fault in me. Max leaves. Telling me so much hateful things. He just wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I gained weight. Maybe it was that skinny blonde he liked and that’s just not me anymore.…
Alone. Literally.
I’m just laying in bed. Trying to grasp how my life got… here. Alone. So utterly alone. Z, after being awful to me, moved out today. Supposedly he’s moving to Louisiana to work. He’ll be back for his surgery 5/29. I’ll believe it all when I see it. He left an awful mess in his…
Family, Religion, Holidays, IVF Baby Loss.
Easter - it means relatively nothing when you’ve got a shitty family, you’re pretty much single and you’re exhausted with life. Happy Easter to those that have legit great people to spend it with. Even if you wish you didn’t have to - be grateful you have the option. My grandparents don’t celebra...
I can’t think
I can’t think anymore. I don’t know how to participate in conversation. My boyfriend made a comment earlier that stuck with me. He said “it’s funny how when you play the sims, I do most of the talking, and now that I’m playing the sims, I’m still doing most of the talking.” He laughed but…
Losing so much, so quick
Now, for just a normal entry - Are things getting better? Not really. At least not for my broken heart and the rest of my fucked up life. I literally feel like I’m losing everything/everyone all at once. That’s a super shitty feeling. My therapist finally put her foot down I had to see my…
Dear Max, 3/24/24
Dear Max, Another day without you. Without waking up to your face. Without feeling your incredible hugs. Without a kiss or an I Love You. It’s supposed to be getting easier. Yet, it isn’t. Time isn’t healing this wound. I know it’s only been a couple weeks. However, each day hurts a little more, ...
Two weeks… Dear Max…
I decided far earlier today I’d make a chapter. Just for my thoughts and comments to M. Nothing more. Nothing less. No contact is killing me. Literally, so here we go… Dear Max, Two weeks. Two weeks ago I thought we were happy. I thought we’d make it work. We’d be the success of statistics.…
Day 10 – It only hurts worse.
It's supposed to get better - right? Well, nothing is better. The truth - it's worse. Each day is worse than the day before. Each day I have less hope. Each day my will to live, to fight this, diminishes even more. Each day I cry harder, hurt more. I've went through break-ups, a nasty…
DO NOT DISTURB MY DEMONS
*I have secrets...I won't tell...just know I have them! They are better left in the attic because not many can handle what lurks deep in my soul! Do not disturb my demons...my demons don't play well with others...they like staying in the dark...it's better that way!* 2 days ago I received ...