So here we go….

Daily Challenges:
Day 1 – Write some basic things about yourself
Day 2 – 10 likes & dislikes
Day 3 – The meaning behind your Open Diary name
Day 4 – Your day, in great detail
Day 5 – Five places you want to visit and why
Day 6 – What band/musician is most important to you?
Day 7 – Do you read? What are your favorite book?
Day 8 – Pet Peeves
Day 9 – If you could live off of one food and beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?
Day 10 – Post a picture of your desktop
Day 11 – What is your favorite quote?
Day 12 – Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
Day 13 – Three confessions of your choice
Day 14 – Things you want to say to an ex
Day 15 – A photo of someone you fancy at the moment
Day 16 – If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
Day 17 – What do you want to be when you get older?
Day 18 – Name the tv show(s) you have become addicted to
Day 19 – The best thing to happen to you this week
Day 20 – Your definition of love
Day 21 – What kind of person attracts you?
Day 22 – A picture of what you wore today
Day 23 – A letter to someone. Anyone
Day 24 – Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
Day 25 – Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 26 – How you hope your future will be like
Day 27 – A picture of your handwriting
Day 28 – Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for?
Day 29 – Picture of yourself
Day 30 – Anything you want to post

 

Ohhhhh, so here’s where it gets tough. And personal. Okay.

I am single. Almost notoriously so. I’ve been that way for the majority of my adult life. I’m sure the same could be said for a lot of people, but my life has been punctuated by a long string of me friend-zoning girls that are interested in more with me, and me getting friend-zoned by girls that I’m interested in more with.

I’ve only had six girlfriends in my life, which is actually kind of low for someone my age. I still remember when I got in heavy with my first girlfriend. I thought I’d found true love, and I thought I’d seriously found THE ONE. I was 17, she was 15. We started talking about the future like we knew what we were doing.

How wrong I was. She turned out to be a little nuts. Not in a violent way, but in an emotional way. Kind of funny, really. That’s still probably the one that hurt the most. Because it was the first, of course. I’d never known rejection like that before, and it stung for a long time.

I still keep in contact with her, and I still care very much about her. But on the same note, I’m really glad we didn’t end up married or anything.

Kind of funny, really. She’s on pills now for those "instabilities", and she’s actually apologized to me for how she acted back then.

But… I think everyone has stories like that. Doesn’t really make me special.

Sure, some times of year, it’s really tough to be by yourself. Valentine’s day? Of course. Your birthday? You find yourself wishing you had someone to curl up on a couch with to watch one of your favorite movies with, while you’re both stuffed on cake. I do feel that ache on those days, and on random other days too.

But the reality is, I’m kind of a solitary person. I can go days sometimes, without really feeling a huge need for social interaction. I spend hours a day in some form of creative process, whether it be brainstorming, writing, or just planning. Hours a day where I have to be alone, whether I like it or not. But really, I like it. I’m introverted to the max.

There’s just one problem with that. I’ve never found a girl that can properly understand my needs on that front. That some days, I’m not exactly the most communicative person. That I NEED a lot of time to myself to do what I do, and to truly be happy. It’s true that happiness comes from being with someone you love, but part of it comes from within, too. And I am who I am, and I know what completes me.

Almost every single relationship I’ve had has been with girls that don’t really understand this. That feel like I don’t pay them as much attention as they want. Maybe they were right, though. Maybe I’m just not well made for that sort of thing. I have to consider that, and I’ve rolled it around in my head many a time before I’ve considered trying again. There’s always that chance that, pardon the cliche, it’s not them. Could very well be me.

Maybe it’s because I always put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect boyfriend, even though I know I could never be that, doing what I do. I get anxious, and nervous that I’m not good enough. That I’m boring, and that there’s no shortage of better guys out there.

 

But again, that doesn’t make me particularly special. None of this does. Everyone has these problems from time to time. Everyone.

It’s easy, when you see your age bump up another number year by year, and still have no one to call your own, to start thinking that something is wrong with you. That you’re destined to be alone. That it’ll always be that way. I know I’ve harbored these thoughts many a time, no matter how irrational it is to think them.

But the reality is simple…. the overwhelming majority of relationships are destined to fail. That’s the way this thing works. There are so many factors… chemical, hormonal, geographical, financial… it’s easy to imagine all of them as links on a bridge, where if one of them fails, the whole thing comes apart.

Sometimes it’s your fault. Sometimes it’s their fault. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault. Sometimes… you just get into something with someone, where it’s not built to last. These things happen. All you can do is cherish the good times, and learn, and grow from the relationships that don’t happen to be a home run.

So I’ve struck out a bunch of times. But you know…. so did Babe Ruth. Happens to the best of em.

I don’t think I’ll be alone forever. I used to worry about that a lot. But the more I think about it, the more it feels like searching for that special someone is like car shopping… if you GOTTA have something by the end of the week, you’ll probably end up with something you don’t really want in the long run. You’ll end up to your eyeballs in debt, married to someone you can only barely tolerate.

But if you take your time… do your research… know what you want…. and above all, be patient, eventually, you’ll end up with that perfect deal that puts the exclamation point on your life.

At least, that’s what I believe. I sort of have to.