Words to an ex.

Daily Challenges:
Day 1 – Write some basic things about yourself
Day 2 – 10 likes & dislikes
Day 3 – The meaning behind your Open Diary name
Day 4 – Your day, in great detail
Day 5 – Five places you want to visit and why
Day 6 – What band/musician is most important to you?
Day 7 – Do you read? What are your favorite book?
Day 8 – Pet Peeves
Day 9 – If you could live off of one food and beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?
Day 10 – Post a picture of your desktop
Day 11 – What is your favorite quote?
Day 12 – Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
Day 13 – Three confessions of your choice
Day 14 – Things you want to say to an ex
Day 15 – A photo of someone you fancy at the moment
Day 16 – If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
Day 17 – What do you want to be when you get older?
Day 18 – Name the tv show(s) you have become addicted to
Day 19 – The best thing to happen to you this week
Day 20 – Your definition of love
Day 21 – What kind of person attracts you?
Day 22 – A picture of what you wore today
Day 23 – A letter to someone. Anyone
Day 24 – Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
Day 25 – Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 26 – How you hope your future will be like
Day 27 – A picture of your handwriting
Day 28 – Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for?
Day 29 – Picture of yourself
Day 30 – Anything you want to post

Hoo boy. I got kind of delayed on this one, because my Friday was crazy, and I spent today recovering.

But if I’m to be honest, there’s more to it than that. I look at this challenge, and get sort of unsettled. Scared, even. It takes me to a part of myself I hate revisiting. Though, to be honest, it’s a part that should be revisited fairly often, so that I am not doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Still, this is THE very topic that led to probably the most notorious entry on this entire diary, which was involved with my most recent ex from… two years ago now. Wow.

So, I’m not going to say anything about her. That needs to just be left alone. Instead, I’m going to focus on one in the middle, that just ended a bit badly for a variety of reasons.

*ahem*

Dear ex,

I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for a lot of things. One, that you met me at one of the most turbulent and unsettled times of my life, and when I definitely was not ready to give a girl a proper time. Two, that we both allowed our friends to make a decision on love for us, at least partially, when these things cannot be rushed or decided by anyone but us.

I was really fine with a lot of it, though, nonetheless. Your family was odd, but everyone’s family is crazy. I always found it kind of weird that your beloved cat seemed more interested in biting you than rubbing against your legs, whereas around me, he liked to cuddle. You weren’t classically pretty, but I’m not exactly chiseled like a movie star, myself. I could even deal with your somewhat odd tendencies when it came to physical love, because I had those too.

But none of that stuff matters. It’s small stuff, stuff you step over and ignore for the sake of companionship. No, the real problem happened when one day, you decided to ask me an impossible question.

"If you had to choose, would you pick your friends, or would you pick me?"

I know why you asked. My best friend of the time pissed you off, and you were keen on making me choose sides. Despite the fact that my motto of the time was the classic "Bros before hos", for the lack of a better way to describe it. It was a terrible thing to do to me.

But that doesn’t excuse what I did in response, by just sort of not talking to you for a few days. The silent treatment doesn’t solve anything. I was angry, yes. I was capable of saying something terrible that I didn’t want to, and I was just trying to keep from doing that, as I do on the rare occaisions I get angry. But still, you deserved better.

I wasn’t a man about it. I didn’t face you and talk to you, the way I should’ve. I didn’t defuse it, like I would try to now. I just wasn’t ready. I see that now. And I’m sorry.

And the worst part? You were totally right about my friends of the time.

If I ever saw you again, I’d tell you this. Not that it really matters anymore, I guess, but who doesn’t like hearing that they were right?

Well, that’s sort of weird to get off my chest. But it did feel good. I don’t go to that part of me often enough.

Anyway, time to start thinking of bed!

SerenadeOliver

I’m gonna do this for my diary!

Wow… *takes a deep breath* I have to say this…even though she turned out to be right about your friends at the time…? It is NEVER okay for someone to put their significant other in a position like that. Forgive me for derailing this train of thought a little, but I feel I need to divulge this bit of information so that my sentiments on this matter have context and make somesense… Growing up one of my best friends was named Bilal. We knew each other practically all our lives. Grew up like family. We never had any romantic history. We really were JUST life-long friends. I think I was like 22 or 23 when he met this girl… He fell head over heels for her. I was happy for him. Until the girl told him she didn’t like him having a close female friend that he knew longer than her and gave him the ultimatum that either I go or she would leave him… And he ended our friendship. Over 20 years of friendship…virtually our whole lives…! And he ended it without so much as a blink or a backwards glance for a girl he just met. To this day…I am still in shock over it…

I know they got married. As far as I know, they are still together and married, but I haven’t heard anything solid about him in three years or so and I’m not really inclined to go digging, because either way it doesn’t make it any better. After going through that I told myself, no matter how much I didn’t like my significant other’s friends…I would NEVER do that to another person… I would never make them make a choice like that, because I’m sorry… To me?? That says a LOT about the person making the ultimatum. And hey…I am now a victim of my own principles… I cannot stand Joey’s best friend. She is a shallow, gold-digging, egotistical, whore. And no…that is not an exaggeration nor is it me just being mean…those are the FACTS. If I was being mean the language would be far more colorful. She is literally everything I DESPISE in other women. She’s a home-wrecking, a party girl, a slut…just go down the list… But Joey ADORES her. Worships the ground she walks on. She can do no wrong by him. To the point that when she had an affair, he justified it to me by blaming the wife…it was HER fault the husband cheated…

Yeah. Whatever. I almost hung up on him for saying that to me, but whatever… All that said…! I will NEVER tell him, me or her. I will freakin’ walk away before I stoop that low. I don’t care how much I don’t like her or how awful a person she is… No. For one, she was there first. She may not be there forever…but she has put her time in. They’ve been best friends for something like12 or 13 years now. Mind you…even Joey admits that during that time it has been almost all HIM putting into the relationship. He goes to visit her wherever she may be around the country. He’s always there for her when she’s having drama (which is daily). He gives, she takes…but he seems to be okay with that, so it’s on him. Believe me…on more than one occasion I have seriously considered leaving him because of her. There are times I literally feel like the other woman in my own relationship. But I will NEVER give him that ultimatum. I refuse. And I know…some would say that’s not fair of me, because it means I won’t even give him the choice, but in this matter no… It’s not his choice. It’s MY choice. Can *I* deal with her or not…?

If the answer is “not”…then it’s my problem to deal with and I damn well know how… I don’t care how awful the friends are… You do NOT put someone you claim to love in a position like that. It’s NOT right. You have a problem with your significant other’s friends…? YOU deal with it. One way or another. Your significant other is not your middle man. Either you find a way to A) standup for yourself against said friends, B) you kill ’em with kindness, or C) you walk away. And if it comes to C…yes, you can totally tell your significant other, I am leaving because I can’t deal with your friends. I hate to put it like this, but if there is THAT much tension and sh*t between your significant other and your friends, you KNOW. I knew that Bilal’s girlfiend didn’t like me…I wasn’t totally blindsided when he said she gave him an ultimatum…but blindsided me was the choice he made. But dude…you know… Joey knows that I do NOT like his best friend. He’s tried everything to change my opinion of her and everything he’s done (including making me have dinner with her while I was down there for Dragon*Con, because she was home…

…for the holiday weekend) has only made the situation worse. *frowns* Right now she is seriously as big an issue to “us” as the distance…maybe even worse on my end… If I leave because of her…? There should be no surprise on his part. In a situation like that…if the significant other wants to make things better, they can ask for a second chance after doing whatever theyfeel they need to do with their friends… But an ultimatum is NOT okay. At least not in my opinion. I think it’s awesome that you want to apologize to her for your role in that issue…but I would say she owes you an apology too. She never should have put you in that situation… Sorry for the rant…this is just an issue that hits way too close to home in so many ways…