How do you know when you’re connected to Spirit? Maybe you’re a little curious. You did a google. You might think it’s a crock and people like us who believe are weirdos, which is usually also true. I watched a Reddit feed with this woman who was pulling cards for commentators at random, and she was 1000% a weirdo. I watched her for 6 minutes or so and I was full of judgement. Why did you do that to your hair? Omg. Why are you speaking like that? You sound ridiculous. You are not a good reflection of the collective. You are a stereotype, and it’s wigging me out.
I don’t like when people go to the extremes to fit into or represent a culture or community they feel like they’re part of. I don’t care if you’re black, brown, white, yellow, green or purple with orange spots. I don’t care if your Christian, Jewish, Catholic, Wiccan, Atheist, Taoist, or if you practice Jediism. You should always be yourself rather than your stereotype.
I’m not typing out another how to entry, or for dummies entry, but just rather sitting in quiet and reflecting on last night. Justin went to work and Reign decided to go to daycare even though I’m also off today because they are having a valentines party for the kids and he wants to participate. So for the first time in a very long long long long time, I’m home ALONE. Dun dun dunnn! What the heck am I going to do today? Oh I have a few ideas! Nothing exciting, I promise you. First things first though. I turned off the news which is always on in the morning so I can sit here and enjoy my coffee in silence. Silence is golden. It really is. This is incredible.
My appointment went very well even though I ended up having to wait to see the doctor for 45 minutes after getting there early, which was irritating. But as fast as the annoyance swept over me is as fast as I shed it. I know emotions come like waves, and to be a better human I’m using my energy to let the emotions I don’t want to hang on to pass to dissipate into the void. I didn’t want to be annoyed- I wanted to be grateful that I was there at all.
The doctor was new, or at least new from last year, and she asked me how long I’ve had my contacts in and when I told her about a year she says WHHYY? You’re lucky you didn’t get an eye infection!! I asked her, you know that there’s a pandemic?? I couldn’t just get over here like I wanted to! And then I warned her not to smudge my eyebrows, and she laughed at me and told me to put my chin and forehead on the rest so she can take a look. Interestingly, she thought my prescription was too strong. She basically said my cornea is irritated likely to wearing my old contacts, but aside from that my prescription might be stressing out my eyes due to the strength so she was reducing it just slightly so it should feel more natural. She said I won’t see a difference in my contacts, but my glasses should feel better. I didn’t feel bad about them before, I just don’t like wearing them. When I put my glasses on, I feel like a dodo bird. But I got to pick out NEW glasses that I’m kind of in love with so maybe I’ll start wearing them more often.
This frantic woman kept following me around and talking to me. Her energy was all over the place. She kept talking to herself, kept pulling out her phone, talking to the employees, and then looped me into it. I was thinking… don’t make eye contact, otherwise she’ll see you! Alas, she saw me. People often seem to find me, especially the ones I’m hoping don’t. Big smile. Hiiiiiiii!! So I tried to give her comfort. Superficially we were talking about glasses and her face shape and how she needs 1000 frames to coordinate with her life, and how these people at the store messed up her old frames, and this and that and on and on and on and on and pull my hair out. Inside I was sending her my calm. I was trying to usher her to relax. Have a chill, lady. You’re causing the room anxiety.
Shortly after I got home Mom texted me to ask her if I could read her cards to which I agreed. I was supposed to do it a time before but she never came. I was making chili and my house is a disaster so she kind of inconvenienced me, but it was okay. She’s been asking me to read her for a while now, but it’s never a good time for either of us. And sometimes, that’s a sign in and of itself. But I knew she’d show up this time so I took some time to meditate on her cards.
I haven’t been discussing my readings here, but I do usually write everything down. This time I didn’t write any of it down, but I got some strange imagery. I heard some music that I should have written down but didn’t, I got Mom looking down at something as if she was disappointed, but not upset necessarily. Maybe a bit angry. I got this very striking imagery of a fun house with an oversize face of a clown with bright orangey/reddish hair, an elongated face and a huge smile. I’m not sure why that popped in my head, but I do want to take note of it here just in case it leads to something.
Mom’s reading was pretty good I think. I guess I’m discussing it because I’m interested by this one, in particular. I’m interested to see what happens. When I read, I read intuitively… I look at the cards and just start talking. Afterward I’ll double check with the book, especially with the suits because I’ve never been good with the numerology aspect of it. I’m doing some studying in my free time to try and get a deeper connection suits and animal symbolism. But it feels good when I make a suggestion as to what the card means, and how the cards flow together to predict what’s going on, and then the little booklet agrees. And it feels good to use the booklet as a tool so people don’t assume I’m just pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Not that Mom thought that- and I don’t use the book for every card in the deck, but my system is kind of like… What I’m getting here is this and this and this, and I believe this is telling us that this and this and this….. …. Yes. The card’s literal definition is this this and this. Take it as you will. Next topic.
So her reading basically said that while she’s in a generally good place in her life at this point, there’s something that’s preventing her from moving forward. She’s blocked by something. She knows that she needs to move forward, she knows there is a path/purpose/goal/whatever, but she’s not sure what to do so instead of making a choice, she’s consciously doing nothing- refusing to act, or neglecting the situation all together. She’s like, maybe if I wait and see, it’ll work itself out. But, I believe through my cards, guides were advising her to stand her power and see whatever this situation is through because ultimately, whatever is going on isn’t what she thinks it is. She thinks whatever this situation is will lead her to divine love, ultimate love, but it’s not. 10 of cups in reverse.
Mom seemed like she understood and she knew. She was nodding her head as if she was hip to what I was telling her. I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks short of hey, can you pick up Reign? Hey, how did the vaccine go? So right now I have no clue what’s up with her personal life. And if she wants me to read her cards, I’d rather her not tell me anyway. But she did seem to kind of get a little emotional when I told her that, so I did clarify my 10 of cups reversed and told her that I believe the situation she’s dealing with isn’t going to come to fruition because the situation is immature.
Clarifying the 10 of cups in reverse, I got Empress in reverse, 2 of cups and 5 of swords. I told her I think that someone in this situation either isn’t valuing themselves as they should, or maybe they aren’t valuing the situation like they should, and they’re seeing it from a child-like place. Puppy-love maybe. Or a superficial attraction. Genuine, sure. Nobody in this situation has malintent, but whatever this is doesn’t reach far beyond the surface. They’re seeing it like a kid in a candy store; innocent, excited and all about it! But also ignoring the wisdom that experience brings. So that could be it. I told her it could also be that perhaps because the Empress isn’t standing in her power, she’s reverting to a egotistical, immature child-like state and is actually the cause of her own problems. Maybe she’s pointing fingers because without the wisdom and maturity of the Empress, she’s overly invested in herself and lacks the ability to tune into the other person’s situation, or the reality of the situation. Then of course as I do, I told her I can only speculate and read her the descriptions of the cards verbatim and told her take it as it will.
I pulled her a spiritual journey card which was about having and achieving balance. I also pulled her an oracle card which was about perspective and how not everything you believe matters actually matters. And I was shuffling them back up and having a conversation with her about perspective and change, and then the spiritual journey card about change literally flew out of the deck. It broke free, flipped up into the air and landed on the floor. I read it, said thank you, and put it back in.
I never did address how you know you’re connected to spirit. I think its different for everyone, but in general, a lot of people will tell you the same thing. There is an overwhelming sense of joy. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel other things because we’re human, but the joy kind of overrides it all because you know, without knowing, that you are part of something bigger and everything will be as it should be. And it stirs inside you. It’s a feeling of warm anxiousness, like kids waiting to open their presents on Christmas morning, or waiting to hear back from a job interview that you know you nailed. Or the butterflies you feel when you are near someone you love. That’s what being connected feels like. And when you are, things start happening. Miracles, if you were. Small miracles. Water doesn’t turn to wine. That ain’t gonna happen, but if it did it would probably be cool. But there are little flickers of a something, just meant for you that come to you when you open up to it. Its different for everyone and it changes.
Its like how I know my Dad communicates to me through rainbows. I don’t know why he chose them, but he did. And when he wants me to say hello, he’ll show me one. Usually in an odd place where you wouldn’t think one would be. It just appears, and that’s why I notice them. Like what the heck? A rainbow? Oh, hey Dad. And my Grandma who has a strained connection to Spirit… she’s afraid of it, but she’ll tell you stories of all of these coincidences she ignores. Dreams and visions that come to pass that she doesn’t like to talk about. She’ll start to mention it, and she’ll change the subject. But she has an affinity to hummingbirds. I have a friend who’s connected to cardinals. But there are moments, easily ignored, that will bring Spirit into the physical. You’ll feel it. You’ll see it. And the less you try to control it- when you open up and allow it to do what it does without overthinking, the stronger the connection. The greater the blessing.
After my Mom’s reading last night, I was exhausted. I laid in my bed and I fell asleep with the lights on, the TV on, life in full motion around me. I woke up and was surrounded. Justin was sitting next to me watching TV on little corner, both dogs and cats were on the bed. I don’t know how I called to the entire house in my sleep, minus Reign because he is being a isolated teenager. John was texting me, and I said hello, but beyond that I couldn’t be bothered. I fell back asleep again, and this morning I woke up groggy but also ablaze. Its a hard feeling to put down in words, so I won’t try. Just know that its a good thing.