To me. Past, present, future.

I forgive myself. I relinquish the false narrative of a strong and happy face. Next time, ask for help ya silly ish! Prioritize self.. you cannot fill other cups when yours is empty. In all honesty.. cutting right to the chase.. F depression. Its a catch 22 that will blind side you. Opt out of the cycle and don’t beat yourself up for being human.. and being a mom. Mom is also not an identity. Yes, it something to be proud of.. but its not your identity. Let those around you in on your true feelings. No matter the age, normalize being human, with flaws, with up and downs.. and different paths back to self. Not the same self.. but a better one. Don’t fault yourself man… allow yourself to grieve, to heal. Start your journey in whatever way you see fit. There is no such thing as the right way and the wrong way.. thats subjective. The only thing you really cannot do is blame yourself for whatever perceived weakness you had/have. OWN that ish.. don’t just own it… make it your bish, the way it tried to do the same to you!!

One day I will look back at this struggle with reverence. But right now.. its from a place JUST past of anger but right before humor. I’m in the “I Don’t F with You” part of my journey… and.. I am imperfectly, perfectly ok with that!!

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October 26, 2021

I read the “I Don’t F With You” line in Big Sean’s voice. And then rapped the next line to myself, lololol.

But seriously, this whole entry is a series of great reminders.

October 27, 2021


I sang it the same way with his voice in my head when I wrote this! I hope it helps some people. Mental illness isn’t talked about enough, even though most of us suffer from it at least once in life. I’ve realized the best way to for ME to claw my way out of depression is to embrace the chaos! I can’t do things like meditate and is bc of all my littles. At least for right now. I’m ok with being a feral mom to feral kids.

Also.. when I am mad or feeling some sort of way, I listen to DOPE “Die M F’er, Die”. It calms me for whatever reason. I feel like I can identify with Halsey’s “Control”, but also NF “The Search”! Music is its own therapy! And its free.

Thank you for feedback!

October 27, 2021

@ageisha I struggle with bi-polar and anxiety. Music is absolutely my therapy.

Thanks for the song suggestions!