Long week

Well I’ll be first to stick up my hand and say that I do not find being a parent easy.

Having said that I still managed to have four of em, before I decided that that was way more than I needed and had the big nick!

So I have just returned my two youngest (Meg and Brad) to their mother after having them for the last 9 days.Of course I love my kids, but that doesn’t mean that I find the process of being a parent natural at all. See I have two older kids from my first marrige – they are 23 and 20 now. When their mother suicided (when they were only 6 and 3 at the time) – all of a sudden I had two kids full time. Now I had been seperated from that wife for 18 months and had only just started living with a new lady. Fortunately she accepted my kids and even adopted them later, after we were married. But it was always expected that we would have more kids – I mean, she wanted kids of her own too. So of course i agreed, notwithstanding that in my reality I would have been happy to stick at two. I did it for her. So now I have seperated from her (3 yrs ago) and since remarried again. Gosh, you know I really wish I just had my older two and didn’t have all the shit that goes with younger kids and their complete dependancy on you.

This may sound dreadfull, but its my truth. So I do the best I can for my younger two and would never let them feel unloved. But do I feel relief when I drop them back home to their mom – you bet I do.

Hell, i still have heaps of issues with my older two. Who are both far from being independent yet. While they don’t live at home, I still am constantly helping them out financially as they have worked their way through college. This hasn’t been easy, especially over the last 6 months as I have been outta work. My daughter left Sunday morning to go to Korea to start a year teaching English. She graduated this year with a double degree in English and Drama. She doesn’t really know what she wants to do yet, so this trip to Korea was really a spur of the moment decision. She is quite high maintenance as she isnt very organised and has a number of emotional issues. Still, I am her dad and will always be there for her. Son (20), just got engaged to a nice girl – but sadly she is very immature and too impulsive. So they are constantly in financial stress. Over the weekend son told me of their latest situation and I can see it now – the hand will come out and dad will be expected to help them out again. You know this time I am seriously considering letting them feel the true extent of their financial consequences. We’ll see.

My babe has been in Brisbane for the last 4 days and gets home tomorrow night. it was her dads 70th birthday. I couldn’t go too cause this was the week I had my kids and I couldn’t have someone else look after them given I only have them once a year for a full week (9 days). During the year i have them every other weekend (Friday night, through Sunday night). Anyway – i am so looking forward to her return – miss her. On Friday she has her final post op check up and we expect she’ll be given the all clear, so we can re- engage in that horizontal dancing stuff again. Woohoo to that!

Went and saw a recruiter this morning re job opportunities in the new year. We agree that there are probably only 15 to 20 roles in the city where I live that would be appropriate for me and so I really just have to wait for one to become available – unless I want to move. Nope – don’t wanna move.  He did say there could be a contract role for 3 to 6 months coming up. this would be out of town and would require commuting for me. But right now, I’d do that just to get back into the workplace again – not to mention having some income coming in. that would definitely be a good thing.

So today is cleaning up the house in advance of babe coming home tomorrow. have done 3 loads of washing and hung it out. Vaccumed and now have to wash floors and bathroom. yay – can’t wait.  

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January 17, 2010

kids aren’t easy.

January 17, 2010

I never had kids, never wanted them. I am too selfish to want to delay or forgo my desires to raise kids. I respect your honesty about it.

January 17, 2010

You can be honest here on OD. Four kids is a lot of responsibility. I know I send my daughter money every month — she’s got 6 kids! (3 his, 3 theirs) What you’ve got actually is 2 separate families. One of my criteria in meeting and dating a man is that I don’t want one with kids under legal age. I have no desire to live in a house with teenagers again. Not that I didn’t love doing it, but I didit and now it’s done. So I feel for you. ** You sound like a nice, and wise man, to clean up the house before babe comes home. I’m am hoping her check up goes well and normal life resumes soon.

January 17, 2010

I don’t have kids and there fore cannot pass judgement. It may be awful to say this but sometimes you help your kids the most when you don’t help them – it might be time for a real lesson in what being a grown up means for you son. Again I don’t know the situation so it’s easy for me to express an opinion – do what you feel is best 🙂 hugs

January 18, 2010

Hey..so im all caught up on ur entries. About the happy endings…as long as u are ok with it…then why not. whatever works for u :-). Glad u had fun with ur kids but im sure the fact that u can give em back helps. I dunno how i would feel…i dont have kids but i have a fear that i might want to give them back to and thats scary…My coworker let me down…hes a dud 🙁 Have a great week Xoxo

January 18, 2010

Hi! Teaming up with a recruiter for your level of position is a good partnership. I’m not there, yet! Happy hunting

January 21, 2010

Your feelings are what they are and actually we cannot help what we feel. It’s what we do about it that matters and it sounds as though you have had a lot of work with the kiddos and have done your best and certainly maintain responsibility. Now as you know mine are still youngin’s but I have watched a lot of parents go through stuff with their adult children that has a lot to do with running tothe folks for money trouble. It’s a vicious thing if it gets to be too much a habit. Just my opinion but don’t let them become dependent on you for too much, it’s not good for you and it’s not even good for them. There’s my two cents : )