Everything Will Change

Hello beloved diary people.  Its been far too long.  A lot has happened and a lot has changed.

To recap where I was when I last wrote:
Penn and I broke up because he cheated on me with a girl that has the same birthday.
I quit my job back in April because it was killing my soul.
I took 3 jobs to replace that money the best I could and the struggle is real.

Some of these things have changed.

Penn and I are still broken up.  I forgive him for what he did , but I cant forget the betrayal.  He has asked me to come back several times, but i now I cant do that.

I realized that even with three jobs, (Uber, Food Delivery & Lyft) It didn’t come close to the money that I had been making.  Making my car payments was all I worked for. I am lucky to have the friend that I have and that I did not end up having to live in my car.  I cant tell you how close it got.

I started submitting resumes  back in early May.  I had a few interviews.  I got hired as a school bus driver but it was going to cost me money to get the licensing and I wouldn’t have actually started working until the end of this month, so I declined that offer.  I had a few phone interviews that went well but obviously they decided to go in different directions.

I even went to this “interview” for a company called rule of 9.   I got called for a 2nd interview, it was the Wednesday after I found out about Penn cheating.  I held my shit together the best I could but when that motherfucker asked me to GIVE HIM 900 DOLLARS so that I could learn the “Proprietary methods” I about fucking died.  My car battery died that morning and I didn’t have the money to buy a new one, my heartbreak was still incredibly raw, and then this dude asked me for a grand.  I got in the car I BORROWED to go to this interview and promptly fell to pieces.  I remember that day very vividly.  Once I got home, I got in my bed and cried for the next 3 hours until I fell asleep.  I was just crushed.

I applied for jobs to do anything.  I looked in both states to either side of the one i live in. I applied to work at home gigs, I applied for manager, supervisor and regular employee jobs.  I even applied for things Ihad never done before, like pest control ( they pay pretty damn well) and NOTHING.

Through all of this I got closer to my friend Roshi.  We have been friends for a while but it was more peripheral friendship.  He is the one that helped me get a new battery into my car.  We talk all the time, and hang out on occasion.  One day we were talking and I told him that everything would start changing in the solstice.  Im  a believer that we live in cycles.  this is just the way it goes.

Bam! the solstice hits  and everything starts to change.

good stuff, but i tired so ill write more tomorrow.  For now, suffice it to say , Im good..  thank you all so much for your love and s upport 🙂

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July 21, 2018

Glad everything is better.  Waking up is always hard, but once you get through the pain you can raise your head to a beautiful day that you create

July 21, 2018

@mentaldysplasia True words, thank you for your sweet note.

July 21, 2018

Yeah, don’t stop now…

July 21, 2018

@tunguska i finished 😀

July 21, 2018

Glad life is becomming much better.  It’s hard to work at something you don’t love or like and to be working just for the money is never fun because it all goes to necesities and not to fun.  I do know that your life will change again…everyones life changes more then once….

July 21, 2018

@jaythesmartone I have gotten to the point that i welcome the changes.. i don’t like the uncomfortable parts, but i know they have to be that way