A conversation worth having

So I was riding in the car with my mom last week and we got to talking about things. My mom was in some kind of mood and it seemed like everything was bothering her. I don’t remember what exactly started the conversation but I told her that her generation was never taught to deal with things in their lives. Not that our grandparents did anything wrong, it was just mental health was not a thing for their generation. So because our parents never learned how to cope and deal with the things going on with them, their traumas were passed down to us.

My two sisters, brother and I had to learn on our own how to deal with the things that happened in our lives. Although in some ways I think not learning early on how to deal with things better is what played part in the decision’s my brother made. I would honestly have to say that in a lot of ways none of us ever took easy roads and made decisions that were not the best.

I do not think we started to realize how much we never dealt with until after my brother passed away. I think all of us in some ways over the years built up these walls of illusions that life was so good when really it was crumbling. Life didn’t have to be the way it was but instead of dealing with the things that went on we were taught to run from it.

After my brother passed away, for me I started paying more attention to things and how I would react to situations. I decided to stop running from everything and start to face it head on. The only way to truly move on from things is to face it and deal with them. Its better to work through it than to push it aside.

My sisters and I also decided that passing down traumas ended with us. We didn’t want our children to go through the things that we did. I know that not all things can be helped but if anything giving them the tools to work through things rather than just run from it has to be better. I personally try really hard to make sure my kids never have to go through or feel even half the things I felt as a child.

I learned that by working on things for my self and healing the things within me that were broken it would allow my kids to know that there is always hope and that its okay to work through things and that there is nothing wrong with saying something is hard and you need some help to get through it.

I am obviously still learning as I go because well this is all new to me as well as my children but I like to think we are breaking a cycle.