Conversations

In past couple day’s I’ve had a lot of conversations about things at one point I would never have talked about. There was a time I was unable to because I didn’t know how to put those things into words. I wasn’t sure how to express the emotions that came with them in a healthy way. Slowly I’m learning that they are things from the past and if I do not acknowledge them I will never be able to move past it.

I always thought that just pushing it way down was better but in the end all it did was make things harder for me as an adult. At this point in my life it is harder to learn better ways to deal with things when as a child I was never taught the most healthy ways to do so. I guess that’s where the saying comes in “Its better late than never.”

At one point I used to feel like it was like being on a merry-go-round that never stopped. At first the going round and round would make me sick, leaving me dizzy with no balance. The longer I was on it the more used to it I became never realizing that instead of getting used to the feeling I could just jump off. I might lose my footing and stumble a little bit but the outcome would have been way less difficult.

I think at a young age I was programed in a sense to always go about things the difficult way, because no one ever said any different. I do know that not everything is suppose to be easy but I also do not believe it should always be so hard either. I’d like to say there is some kind of balance between the two but I’m not sure if I fully believe that yet either.

It’s been those simple conversations that have brought back so many things. There are feelings I cannot really explain but they have made me think about so many things. I’m not really a what if kind of person because it just makes things harder in the long run but I can’t help but to think about the what ifs when it comes to things now. Maybe not so much with everything but with some things. I try to keep that to my self because I know those what ifs can cause such complications.