Four years without four

Today at one point in my life was just another day. I didn’t put any thought into the day, I lived my life on this day without a care in the world never realizing how much in my life I took for granted. I never put any thought into that day that I was going to get the worst call of my life that night. I went about the whole day doing things like normal, laying my head down on my pillow that night never realizing that day was going to be my brothers last day.

Four years, four long yet fast years have gone by. Four years I’ve managed to live with a pain in my heart that nearly destroyed me. I’ve managed to do my best at surviving this life with there just being three of us when there should be four. I never gave it any thought, I didn’t think about what life would ever be like without one of my sisters or brother. It honestly just didn’t make any sense to me. We were suppose to grow old together and watch our children grow. Life seemed so simple before this day four years ago.

It’s crazy that one phone call late at night can change your whole life that fast.

Even to this day I would give so much for just a moment, a moment to have with my brother but I know no amount of time will ever be enough. Every moment has become bitter sweet and each new thing has its own little moments of pain that comes with it. I’d like to say I’ve learned how to live in this life without my brother but I do not believe that is what is suppose to happen. Although he is not physically here anymore he is with me in spirit and that will forever remain that way.

I wish I wasn’t left with just his memories, but I will forever cherish those moments. So much has happened and changed and the kids are growing and his daughter is growing and she is so beautiful. There will soon be another child that he won’t get to meet. A child who will only know him from the stories we tell about him.

I’ve learned the hard way not to take anything in this life for granted and to just live in the moment because we really have no clue how many more moments we are going to get with those we love.

Today I lived four years without there being four of us, something I never thought I could or would ever have to do.