Sorry Sam’s Club

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

I had the most manic fueled day and it just sucked in the end.

The Good
-My psych appointment went great and he was amazing as usual. The best part of our session was when he was like “oh hey wait……what do you think of Rodgers staying with the Packers” and we chatted about that. It was a nice interaction. As far as my mania goes we are doubling my resperidone and I am seeing him in three weeks to see if its helping. Right now its about making sure I dont literally destroy my life.

-I found a solution to my diamond painting dilemma of not really having a home for everything. I am using a desk we had in the garage and putting it together tomorrow. Itll be in my room so I will have a quiet place to go do it. We got a chair that we have to put together as well. I am excited to have a little area for myself.

The Bad

I lost my absolute shit in Sams Club today. I really started having racing thoughts and I was going to take the cart and Mac and go outside and start loading because Jeff was getting the chair, we forgot to grab it. I forgot to take the reciept. I went back for it and it was gone. If you dont know you have to have the reciept to leave, they check it and whatever. So I being an adult went to an employee and asked for help. Then our account wasnt doing what it was supposed to and she couldnt pull the reciept up. So I am sitting here with 400 dollars worth of groceries and probably cant get out. For some reason the lady at the door took pity on me and saw everything I had to prove we were there. I even showed the charge being taken on my bank app. It was a fucking mess. So I get out there and Jeff is annoyed. He probably had anxiety but he was annoyed. And then he said something…like he doesnt understand mania. He goes “oh come on your mania didnt make you forget to get the reciept” I burst into tears and tried to explain the racing thoughts. I cried and fucking cried over everything about this disease, how it sucks life from me. I was losing it in the parking lot, people were looking. I dont know it was bad. Somehow I got it together and on the way home Jeff did apologize for saying that he said he didnt think about how it could effect me but its like dude why would I just leave a reciept so my social anxiety ridden ask has to go to talk to people. Duh.
I am still feeling exhausted from that whole trip but I am hoping I will be better tomorrow with more risperidone in my system. We will see.