miss

I miss drinking wine by the fireplace in winter. I miss your hand on my leg in the car. I miss kisses on the forehead. I miss giving those looks across the room that only the 2 of us recognize. I miss staying up all night talking in bed. I miss walking down the street and babeling so fast because we have so much to say to one another in the dark, once we are finally alone.

Where are you?

We aren’t connecting like we should be. I am insecure and full of doubts. I am stupid and my stupid brain is telling me that you’re better than me and uninterested in me and not enchanted with me like you once were. Its pathetic and sad but its there and I can’t ignore it. You don’t look at me anymore. Maybe I’m imagining that. But it doesn’t matter either way. I’m throwing myself into things that make me happy, me and me only, because I don’t want to admit that the problem is me. You are throwing yourself into things that you enjoy because I am not one of those things anymore so you have to find something else to do.

I know most of this is ME. The other part is you not making us a priority. Everything else is me being crazy but I don’t know what to do to fix this besides get high and uninhibited. Thats when we’re the best. Thats when I’m the best. But I’m not high anymore and I’m not skinny anymore and I’m not beautiful anymore. I’m not funny anymore or adventurous. Damn, I suck.

I am not pleased with myself right now, at all.

I am melancholy lately. And alone.