Things have slowed down a ton at work, now that we are on spring hours. We are getting more time off and I’m starting to feel like a normal person again with a normal job! Not someone who works 24-7 and has no life! haha. its nice. Paul and I both got 2 days off this week, though only 1 of them together, but its good that way. Yesterday we went with Dave to Siesta key which was a blast. We went jet skiing, laid on the beach, drank all day, ate nothing but fresh seafood (first i had snapper cevivhe, then the next place i had seafood gumbo, then we went for sushi at pacific rim late night). It felt gooooood. We did try to get heroin in sarasota and could have, but we decided it was too inconvienent at the time and we put it off. Afterwards, we were glad that we did, not that I wasn’t also a little bummed. I was looking forward to eating sushi high off my ass instead of dried up from all the salt water and uncomfortable, not to mention make up less. OoooooOOO well.

On a side note…not that i want this entry to be about drugs again because I DONT….i was watching the hills last night which i havent watched since it was "laguna beach" because the whole series is fucking retarded, but ANYWAY-

they are having that little issue with Kristen suposedly having a drug problem, and 2 of the other dumb bitches stepahnie and Lo were talking about "if you just use recreationally, can you still have a problem?" and stephanie said YES, you can, if you can’t party without using drugs anymore, and dont have fun going out anymore unless you are using drugs (namely, cocaine). I see what they mean….they didnt think Kristen had a huge addition to drugs, just that it was getting a little bit beyond recreational fun party only use. Thats what my drug use is like- recreational, party-only, fun times only, but we are tettering on the edge of it being much more than that, and sometimes it is, but most of the time it isnt. But I know it could be VERY EASILLY. It could turn on me in an instant. I’m keeping a close eye on it for now.

I would definately like for Paul and I to go to NA together- ESPECIALLY for Paul’s sake. He’s been a self proclaimed addict his whole life and has never been in treatment, therepy, or any sober meeting type situations. I on the other hand have. Because my eating disorder was also intertwined with an amphetamines problem, I got the chance to get sober in a hospital setting while treating my eating disorder and also deal with my depression and drug use. This was when I was 15, and I went again when I was 17. During this time, I was in therepy that ranged from once a week at my pinacle, to once a month as I entered college at 17/18. I know what treatment can do for you, mentally, physically, spiritually. I know it would benefit Paul so much and open his eyes to all the things he’s kept to himself for so many years. I know it would be a great life booster for me and Paul as a couple. I want to do it, but I do have this feeling that we will have to hit rock bottom OR AT LEAST HAVE SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN TO US before we would go do something like that together. If therepy was free, I’d be going, just for myself, even though I don’t have any major issues or anything right now. I think therepy is healthy for anyone and everyone. It helps soo much to be able to talk to a non-bias third party who is not involved in your life. Everyone should get the chance to do that at some point. I’d love to bring Paul into that lifestyle with me. And I know he’s not ready to go….and I’m not prepared to ask him either. We’ll get there, and I know that for now we are totally fine. And I will just continue to protect us as best I can.

I am at work now, so I should be going. Sorry for all the spelling errors…spell check on this thing takes a freaking century to run.

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May 5, 2010

Na is free… I’m SO SO SO happy to read this! And I am so proud of you for acknowledging how much it would benefit you both. Please go with this! Toy with the idea some more. Attend a meeting, see how it goes. if you hate it, you never have to go back.

May 10, 2010