I have entered a place of no return, so it seems.
My marriage to my husband is not the same.
Side Note: I am still trying to take care of my mental health, even though I had to cancel my counseling sessions because I couldn’t afford it at this time 😔. Instead, I’ve been reading articles, watching videos, using techniques I’ve learned while in therapy, etc. Once I’m able to afford it again, I’ll go back.
Well, I don’t have the desire for my husband as I once had. This maybe too much to hear, but being intimate or having sex with him feels wrong. It’s like I have this feeling that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. And to top it all off….I have peace with this realization. What does that mean?
I don’t think I like to admit that I’ve fallen out-of-love with my husband. I love him to a certain extent….but it’s not like before.
Sometimes, I feel like a horrible person for thinking that. I’m not someone who likes to hurt anyone. I guess after being yelled at for so long, it just happened that way.
I am honestly now only with my husband for my kids. At times, my husband acts like he doesn’t want anything to do with them. Other times, however, he jokes with them and plays with them, making them laugh and have a good time. It just makes it all the harder to decide on what course of action I should take. I still feel stuck.
Yes, I understand that I have to be the one to make the decision. It’s just extremely hard.
While my husband hasn’t yelled like he has in the past, it’s like my heart feels weary from it. It even affects me physically. Whenever my husband wants to be intimate or love on me, I feel like I have nothing left to give.
Am I wrong for feeling that way? I even feel peace with the idea if my husband would be the one to hand over the divorce papers (or vise versa). Like I said, the only thing holding this marriage together now is my kids.
I guess I’ll see what happens. I have a feeling that it’s getting closer to the end. That’s the feeling I get, anyway.