The Truth About My Adult Self

I saw someone’s entry, here on OD, about looking back on old diary entries and discovering that they were in the same mess now as they were back then…

…and honestly, I feel the same way.

Except now, I am in my 30’s with 4 kids and married.  I still suffer from depression, I still have panic attacks, etc.

You would think that I would have been braver, have more knowledge and understanding on life, maybe my panic attacks would subside, be happy…

Well, I feel I am more timid than my teenage self.  I feel more reserved now than I did back in 2004, or even 2008.

It would be amazing if I was as free-spirited as I was back then.

Yes, I look back and some of the things I did are now embarrassing (lol), and half the stuff I did, I wouldn’t do now.  But nevertheless, there were still endless possibilities and dreams that I had that made me hopeful.  Now…I feel like I am in a stuck place.  And I’m trying to get unstuck.

Kinda wanna feel free-spirited again.  Definitely want to set an example for my kids …I want them to see the world for its possibilities and not it’s limitations.

Well that’s my morning thoughts.  On a side note… I need to have more positive posts in the future. Haha.

My kids are wonderful 😊💖…they are what keeps me going.  Seeing their sweet faces everyday.  No I don’t think people should hide behind their kids…but I would do anything for them.  They are my pride and joy.  THAT’S what’s positive in my life.

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June 20, 2020

In all the hard times in my life my kids are what kept me going too. Like you I would do anything for them and seeing them grow up was everything to me. Nothing else mattered near enough. Now they are pretty much grown. My daughter is 24 and my son is 17 though acts way older. They still make my world go round. 

June 20, 2020

Hello! I feel you entirely, i’m turning 29 this year and started writing on open diary when i was 14. unfortunately im not able to reclaim that diary because i cant remember any of the information as i stopped writing in it around 2010, but I have a feeling its more or less the same as you stated.

3 weeks ago

The thought that adults (can) completely lose their free-spirit depresses me. I realize there must always be change, but I don’t think it has to be fully adult or fully irresponsible. I think the free spirit is never fully gone though. New love is the easiest way to get it back, but apart from that, self-love (no sexual connotation) and even small changes in habits is probably a good way too.

That’s a good point about setting a good example for your kids though… maybe that’s the best reason to be good to yourself!

17 hours ago

what 3 things have you gained in lieu of losing touch of your free-spiritedness?

what 1 thing can you do today to get back in touch with your free spirit?


7 hours ago

@novilight hmm, that’s actually a tough question.  I’m not sure that I really know how to answer it.

17 hours ago