May 12th, 2022
Today was the day. I broke up with my boyfriend of (technically) 2 years. Well, it was a mutual thing. It all started when I met him on discord, in 2020. June 29th to be exact. We talked almost everyday, right from the start. And started dating. Only about a week after. Online dating to be exact. I didn’t know it at this time, but he actually lived in my town and went to my school. We dated on and off, constantly breaking up over minor issues considering how young and immature we were. But we were always finding our way back to each other. Part of me hopes that we will again, but the other part of me knows it’ll be a never-ending cycle. I soon found out we lived in the same town. It was a miracle. I mean, it couldn’t get better, right? Soon, we found ourselves as freshman in highschool. We weren’t on the best of terms as we had just broken up. I met him for the second time at orientation, the first time being 8th grade graduation. I made fun of him. He just stood alone the entire orientation. We had a lot of troubles and fights the beginning of the school year. Until finally, we got on good terms. I asked him to be my boyfriend on September 20th , 2021. It was nice. We didn’t breakup over small things, we were mature. Our maturity will be truly shown at the end of this entry. The time we dated is a blur as of now, since I just broke up with him a half hour ago. The beginning of the 7 month period of our relationship was amazing. The sweetheart, honeymoon phase. It was FANTASTIC. We were in love. We loved each other so much. I still love him so much. Then, we started fighting over petty things. Getting into petty arguments over nothing. We let our egos get in the way. It was a lot. The relationship got stressful. We both starting overthinking, things like “What if they break up with me?” “What will happen if we break up?” “Am I good enough?” “Are they cheating on me?”. The stress was a lot, especially for him. We talked about it tonight. He was in his feels, venting. Then the topic came up. What if we break up? What are we going to do in that situation? We talked it over. We agreed that if we broke up, we’d be friends with benefits. We’d act like we were dating when in reality, we weren’t. We would still share intimate moments, kiss, make out, everything. We would still say I love you. We would still be each other’s #1’s. Dating, but without the commitment and overthinking and stress. If one of us were to get in a relationship, we’d cut off physical ties. We’d still be each other’s #1’s. Toxic, right? Even while we were talking about this, it felt like the relationship had already ended. Even though, at that time, the decision hadn’t been made. It still felt like it ended. Confusing, I know. We finally decided to do it. We are going to try it for 2 weeks. I’m staying home from school tomorrow, as I have 6th period with him and I really don’t think I could handle it.