Another Week

Overall, not bad…I had my first date in 10+ years, and was ghosted. I couldn’t help thinking about the Friend’s episode where Ross was setup on a blind date and unbeknownst to him Joey and Phoebe canceled the date. So when she didn’t show up the waiter asked him “Do you think she saw you and left?” and he said “No, but now I do!”. It brought me a bit of a chuckle. I’ve never been ghosted before so I was hoping that something happened and she’d text/dm me and we’d reschedule but that was yesterday and still haven’t heard from her. So, oh well I suppose *shrug*. It’s a shitty feeling and I’m trying to make lite of it but it stung a bit. That is something I would *never* do to another person. But again, oh well. She was the first person I’ve actually chatted with in a *cringe* flirty way *cringe*. I’ve never been good at flirting and since it’s been over a decade since I’ve tried it’s even more awkward and uncomfortable than I remember it. I’m not going to let it get me down or deter me from continuing to try and find a partner. I’m a completely different person than I was a decade ago and I’ve finally convinced myself that I deserve to be happy and find someone that I can share life with.

Work is still work. Feeling a bit more comfortable in the role and with the tasks. It’s still taking a *lot* of energy to simply care about it and even more energy to get shit done. I don’t really have any leads currently so for now I need to make this work and continue to work on myself and figure out the next move be it school/degree, another job in the same field but different company or finding something non-traditional to replace my 40 per week. Maybe I should re-read the 4 hour work week and see if that sparks any new neurons.

Watched a free doc on Youtube last night about Slash and re-discovered Velvet Revolver along with his current project, Slash featuring Myles Davis and The Constrainers. Dude really is a guitar god and I’d forgotten how much I enjoy hearing him play. I read his autobiography years ago and he’s had a fascinating life and really just seems like a really good dude. I’m glad he survived his years in GnR and drugs and alcohol. He’s one of those when you hear him play you know immediately who it is and you can just see a silhouette of the hair and hat and know exactly who it is.

I reached out to my old therapist and while she can’t see me until the first week of August she’s going to call me tomorrow to chat and I’m nervous but looking forward to talking to her. She’s a very good listener and provides really good feedback and solid, helpful advice.

Here’s to another week, the good and the bad, and now it’s time to prepare for the upcoming week. Maybe I can spare some energy to get out one evening after work and work on my macro skillz. I really want to focus some energy to something other than just surviving.

Talk Soon

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July 18, 2021

Good luck with everything.