Well, Ok.

As you might’ve guessed from my last post things haven’t been going great. All totaled my dog cost me an unexpected $1260 this past week. This is the first dog I’ve owned on my own b/c in the past I’ve really gotten attached to other dogs and I knew if I had one of my own that it would take over my life. I was right. I would’ve spent my last dollar to make sure he wasn’t suffering or in pain. I feel like that’s the commitment when you own an animal. I wasn’t really raised that way but as long as I can remember it’s the way i’ve felt. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to drop a large sum of money on him but I’m in a position I can do it and for me it’s the right thing to do. He’s really given me a lot of peace in the time I’ve had him. I really look forward to as many years as possible!

Things at work seem to be clicking a bit more. I had a task assigned to me that was right in my wheelhouse and had it done, tested, and ready to go within an hour. It was nice to feel in control and like I knew wtf I was doing again! I just need to keep reminding myself that I will get there in this new role. I spent ~16 years to get to the point I was at in my old job, I’ve been doing the new job for just about 30 days.

2 days before my dog had his issues I bought a new dslr camera along with a really, really good macro lens. This is not my first dslr but it is my first really good lens and I actually skimped a bit on the camera body and put more money into the lens. Don’t get me wrong, the camera far exceeds my skill level but it’s really true about having great glass vs a super fancy camera. I’m excited about getting back into photography! I’m focusing on macro photography, which is not the easiest thing to do. In the past I’ve done landscape and street/building photography and I’m still really happy with some of the pics I took but I really want to dive head first into macro b/c the images that can be had are amazing. I have the day off tomorrow and the dog is going to daycare and I’m going to a state park to spend the day with a camera in my face!

I’m really restless again. Restless in my life, job, and really all the things. I want to leave the state I’m currently in but I can’t due to family obligations. I want to move north or west. Originally I wanted to move because of the cooler weather but given the heat wave out west I’m not sure that’s going to be a good reason for much longer. That really makes me sad. I’m giving a more serious look at moving to the mountains in CO  or maybe the interior of AK. I wouldn’t mind moving to another country as well. I’m single with no kids so once I’m able to pick up I think I will just have a big garage sale and donate what’s left and then gtfo of where I am now.

Speaking of single, I’ve been single now (by choice) since 2012. After my last relationship ended I just stopped trying and even though the thought of dating would pop up in my head every few years I never acted on it. A week ago today I reactivated my old online dating profiles and completely revamped/updated them to exactly what I am currently looking for in a partner. So far, I’ve messaged a few people that were good matches but haven’t heard back from any of them. Could be they’re not interested or they just haven’t checked their acct lately. I’m looking for someone who doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want kids, likes to travel, camp, hike, backpack, eat/cook healthy and can be a true partner. I’m done with the whole “I’m fine/everything is fine”. I want truth, honesty, openness no matter how awkward it may be. I’d be fine if I were single forever but I want someone to share things with, good or bad.

So this has been a lot. More than I intended to write today, actually. I’m currently at my goto Starbucks, it’s a beautiful day and I have great music playing in my ears and I have tomorrow off to do something I’m *really* looking forward to. If only I could isolate and bottle the way I feel on the weekends so I could dose myself during the week! Ugh, writing that last sentence made me realize how unhappy I am in my career. I need to start planning the move so that when the time is right I can just go.

Talk Soon

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July 4, 2021

I would agree 100% about spending money on a good lens. Your camera body can only do so much, but good glass will take you places.