More and more I find myself saying that. I feel on the edge of a mental breakdown and feel helpless to stop it. Like I’m watching it happen but can’t do anything to stop it. Not sure what I’d even do to stop it. Meds haven’t worked in the past. I don’t like the way the make me feel. I’ve spent years on this med, that med, this med with that med, exercise every day, exercise every other day, exercise twice a day. I don’t have the energy to keep doing it all. This depressive episode has been a bad one, I fully realize that and I have been getting out and trying to walk at least 3 times a week for 30+ min each time. But when I say I don’t have the energy I just physically don’t have the energy. After just walking I am so goddamned tired that it’s hard to focus on anything else the rest of the day. If I wait until the end of they day to walk then I’m so exhausted by the end of the work day that all I want to do is go to bed. I’m just so goddamned tired of it all it.