More and more I find myself saying that. I feel on the edge of a mental breakdown and feel helpless to stop it. Like I’m watching it happen but can’t do anything to stop it. Not sure what I’d even do to stop it. Meds haven’t worked in the past. I don’t like the way the make me feel. I’ve spent years on this med, that med, this med with that med, exercise every day, exercise every other day, exercise twice a day. I don’t have the energy to keep doing it all. This depressive episode has been a bad one, I fully realize that and I have been getting out and trying to walk at least 3 times a week for 30+ min each time. But when I say I don’t have the energy I just physically don’t have the energy. After just walking I am so goddamned tired that it’s hard to focus on anything else the rest of the day. If I wait until the end of they day to walk then I’m so exhausted by the end of the work day that all I want to do is go to bed. I’m just so goddamned tired of it all it.

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Repeat after me: “Fuck it, Don’t mean nothin'” Very good! Now to ME you are doing very very good! Pat yourself on the back for all the GOOD you are doing. I too suffer depression and am trying to get back on track walking at least 3 times a week for 3o minutes.The depression probably robs you of energy. Getting enough sleep? Hope so. Working and working out sucks the energy but yeah you are doing good. From an outsider looking in on your life.

July 25, 2021

@skobru Thanks! It’s so goddamned frustrating to have your brain working against you all the damn time. I’ve been forcing myself to keep a somewhat regular schedule of working out and not doing it every day has helped as well.

@anotherblogger You are welcome. I often find myself in a situation where I have to stop and tell my inner voice (with another inner voice) to shut the fuck up … and force myself to relax. I admire you and you inspire ME to work out more.