What If?

To anyone who may stumble upon this, HELLO! Part of me seriously doubts anyone will read this but if you are:

Hi, I’m a perpetually single millennial in her *gasp* late 20s (27 to be exact) who has no clue what she’s doing with her life.

I always kept myself super busy. Every weekend I would surround myself with fun plans and different friends to help me fill the void of being alone. I always had something fun to look forward to: my next weekend trip, my 5-year alumni reunion, or just a night out with my girlfriends.  I was living in the moment and I tried to not let myself worry about the future. However, once COVID hit and all my upcoming plans got canceled, I couldn’t help but reflect on my life and wonder how I got here.

I always thought by my late 20s I would have my shit figured out. I tried to not compare myself to others but the older I get the less prepared I feel and the more I feel like my family and friends are leaving me behind. Every day I see another friend, my age, getting engaged, buying a house, having a child, and then there’s me! I have never been in a relationship; I’m currently still living at my parents’ house, and my job is okay at best.  And the scariest part is, I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I’m doing with my life or how to change this. Every time I try to think about my future, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and fear washes over me. I feel like a failure and although logically I know I have so many things to be proud of I can’t help but compare myself to others. All these people I went to high school and college with, look like they are living these amazing lives and I can’t help but to compare myself to them and feel like I have somehow failed along the way. For the most part, I love my life and I think everything will work out eventually. But for some reason, I can’t seem to shake this feeling of uncontrollable self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety about my life and what my future looks like. I REALLY want to believe everything will work out but I can’t help but think what if. What if I end up alone in life; what if I never find a better job; what if this is the best it gets.

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June 1, 2020

Hello and welcome to Open Diary! I hope you find a comfortable home here 🙂

June 1, 2020

Everyone thinks this. You don’t know what really goes on in other people’s lives. Do what you love, the rest will fall into place.

June 3, 2020

Please watch this YouTube video.  It’s about life and the future.  It will move you! Remember, your choices are Half-Chance. So is everyone else’s.  #WeAreOne


June 4, 2020

Hey! Welcome!

Nice bit of intro, if a little blue. I agree with the other notes: everyone feels this way from time to time. And it’s healthy to take a realistic look at our lives, evaluate and reevaluate.

I speak about this from a heritage of faith, where I am walking out by beliefs and this leads me to greater discoveries everyday, or as often as i bother to look. it’s taken me 45 years to finally figure out my purpose, and my life sitUation doesn’t line up with the image of life held by my peers or really anyone else i know. and i’m okay with that, because i know who is in charge and who i am working for.

June 5, 2020

Welcome!   Try not to compare yourself.   Age is an arbitrary number.   I didnt meet my husband till I was 25,   I lived at home till 27,  wasnt married till 30 and had my son at 34.   It’ll all happen, just enjoy the journey, have fun and be confident in yourself and your life.   Work on things where and while you can and be the best you.

June 7, 2020

I’m in my mid 40’s and I still don’t know what the frack I’m doing!! I’m Sam btw.